husband of 10years 2 kids is a crack addict could nt understand why he dont care about us.

my husband for 10 years plus 2 boys together, i meet him in AA 10 years ago... i was there part of my program in college, i dont have drug,alcohol problem, my husband was sober when i met him, got marriage within 3 months together.. i notice he has some issue anger issue and being teretorial to me... i kinda like it first feeling wanted but then he started to become violent. to make a story short he was on and off of crack/coccaine for the intire marriege,violence come around but being young and naive thinking he is my husband for good and worst so i stick around.. conning, betrayal,stealling, lying,cheating, lately violent got of hand, almost killed me i went to the hospital. he got arrested, he got off bond went to see me...violated hes protection order, for couple of days we were okay then he used crack again. became vilolent so i reported him to police..now the state of nyc put five years of no contact protection order on him not to see me... i cried endlessly because he still my husband.... i love him dearly... as if they put a gun on my head to say. divorce ur husband.... i'm still hoping that if he clean up and become sober he can change.... and learn from hes mistakes.... but wondering if he feels the same way to me. if he cares for me... or love me...... i just deppessed and need a lot of networking... dont know where to start..... i dont want to be alone... Tweet