Completed My First Fast in Series! Yay! 31 Hours

No time to write right now but I have done it!! It was so much easier than I thought it was going to be. I was actually happy fasting. I was content and resigned to practicing this necessary virtue of not eating. Maybe this was because of starting school. This gave me a sense of purpose??? and also necessary tasks??? and so maybe my life didn't feel so empty and maybe for that reason I didn't go to the food for that false and so-destructive illusion of structure and comfort. It was hard, emotionally, but toward the end fo the fast I was feeling better emotionally and physically. I even felt like I needed to break out and dare to just fast suddenly 8 days straight, as my whole self NEEDS to do. So it was as usual horrifically frustrating to run into a time when at first I felt OK fasting emotionally I mean but then just broke down emotionally ... feeling frantic for a fix... the fix seeming to be something I would "miss out on" if I didn't jam it down my mouth. I say all this because this is what I have to work through to fast. I need something larger to HOLD ME in life so that I can dare to GIVE UP the food fix and fast as I need to.



My fast was 31 hours as planned but I didn't do it Friday to Sat, I tried and failed, but I did do it Sat to Sun. I seemed to need to have a sense of "rebelling" and then, having felt like I'd indulged, I could get on plan and do the fast. I am emotionally fragile and the more I eat the worse it gets but I DID do this fast and that is , it really felt like, such progress. Doing this fast was also a way of committing to my whole plan of lengthening my fasts, which I will copy and paste below. This is major!!

The thing I need to really remember and pay attention to is: how greatly my mindset improved in just 31 hours -- so much less anxiety and Depression -- as I fasted the way I needed to -- and then as I compulsively violated my need to keep on fasting and continue this process -- how almost immediately I was stricken with Depression and anxiety again. Not as much but it was painful. There was such a clear demonstration of my need for fasting. Well, I relaly need to engineer a way of having The Breakthrough -- in which I spontaneously surrender to my needs and fast for an extended period in spite of the compulsion to eat. I know then I will experience such relief and transformation. Until then... I can know that my fasts will get steadily longer and so I will be edging my way toward this surrender/Breakthrough. I really need to examine my whole thinking around fasting/my schedule/the false gratification of eating, and think new thoughts and make new ways of getting gratification and assurance . It seems eating is the thing I use to provide myself (so damagingly) with a sense of "getting what I want/need" in life -- and I need to redefine my need according to reality, which is that I really need to fast. I need to rewrite my scriipt to myself: it should not read, "I'm okay because I am arranging thsi food fix for myself and am getting the maximum number of food fixes into my life and schedule;" it should read more like: "I'm okay because I am doing this wonderful empowering fasting and this will liberate me and release me into LIFE an let me do all the things I sit on the sidelines and wish I could do." I think this "food fix" thinking occurs at a very submerged , subtle level, and I need to really sit down and work it out. I hope to post it out here soon.

My next issue is to take the 37-hour fast. I have this planned for Fri. night to Sun. morning. I am dreading this and really need to arrange alternate sources of comfort and "holding" for that period of time. I need to plan something special. Maybe I need to make myself feel cared for. Maybe I need to commit to doing something that I can only do while functional and fasting (as opposed to food-fixing, which I do in great moderation but still to an extent that does impair me, simply because I am so sensitive and my need to fast is very great.) Till next time, and hoping to work out here in the meantime some of the thinking that prevents the Breakthrough -- Peace to all, Lauray

Fasting schedule:

2011:
Week 1: 31-hour fast, 11 am fri aug 26 to 6 pm sat aug 27
DONE! 3:24 PM SAT AUG 27 TO 10:24 PM SUN AUG 28

Week 2: 37-hour fast, 10 am fri sept 2 to 11 pm sat sept 3
Week 3: 43-hour fast, 10 am fri sept 9 to 5 am sun sept 11
Week 4: 49-hour fast, 10 am fri sept 16 to 11 am sun sept 18
Week 5: 55-hour fast, 10 am fri sept 23 to 5 pm sun sept 25
Week 6: 61-hour fast, 10 am fri sept 30 to 11 pm sun oct 2
Week 7: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri oct 7 to 4 pm sat oct 8
Week 8: 67-hour fast, 10 am fri oct 14 to 5 am mon oct 19
Week 9: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri oct 21 to 4 pm sat oct 22
Week 10: 73-hour fast, 10 am fri oct 28 to 11 am mon oct 31
Week 11: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri nov 4 to 4 pm sat nov 5
Week 12: 78-hour fast, 10 am fri nov 11 to 4 pm mon nov 14
Week 13: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri nov 18 to 4 pm sat nov 19
Week 14: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri nov 25 to 4 pm sat nov 26
Week 15: 84-hour fast, 10 am fri dec 2 to 10 pm mon dec 4
Week 16: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri dec 9 to 4 pm sat dec 10
Week 17: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri dec 16 to 4 pm sat dec 17
Week 18: 90-hour fast, 10 am fri dec 23 to 4 pm sat dec 24
2012:
Week 19: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri dec 30 to 4 am tues jan 3
Week 20: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri jan 6 to 4 pm sat jan 7
Week 21: 96-hour fast, 10 am fri jan 13 to 10 am tues jan 17
Week 22: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri jan 20 to 4 pm sat jan 21
Week 23: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri jan 27 to 4 pm sat jan 28
Week 24: 120-hour fast, 10 am fri feb 3 to 10 am weds feb 8
Week 25: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri feb 10 to 4 pm sat feb 11
Week 26: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri feb 17 to 4 pm sat feb 18
Week 27: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri feb 24 to 4 m sat feb 25
Week 28: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri mar 2 to 4 pm sat mar 3
Week 29: 144-hour fast,10 am fri mar 9 to 10 am thurs mar 15
Week 30: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri mar 16 to 4 pm sat mar 17
Week 31: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri mar 23 to 4 pm sat mar 24
*probably another maybe 3 weeks of only 30-hour fasts inserted here in the sequence*
Week 32: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri mar 30 to 4 pm sat mar 31
Week 33: 168-hour fast, 10 am fri apr 6 to 10 am fri apr 13
Week 34: 30-hour fast, 1 am sat apr 14 to 7 am sun apr 15
Week 35: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri apr 20 to 4 pm sat apr 21
Week 36: 30-hour fast, 10 am fri apr 27 to 4 pm sat apr 28

Week 37: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri may 4 to 9 am sun may 6
Week 38: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri may 11 to 9 am sun may 13
Week 39: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri may 18 to 9 am sun may 20
Week 40: 72-hour fast, 10 am fri may 25 to 9 am mon may 28
Week 41: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri june 1 to 9 am sun june 3
Week 42: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri june 8 to 9 am sun june 10
Week 43: 40-hour fast, 10 am fri june 15 to 9 am sun june 17
Week 44: 72-hour fast, 10 am fri june 22 to 9 am sun june 24
Week 45: 40-hour fast, 10 am fri june 29 to 9 am sun july 1
Week 46: 40-hour fast, 10 am fri july 6 to 9 am sun july 8
Week 47: 40-hour fast, 5 pm fri july 13 to 9 am sun july 15
Week 48: 192 hours = 8 days,10a fri jul 20 to 10a sat jul 28

From here permanently follow fasting pattern of weeks 37 to 48 and develop a few longer deep healing fasts of 20 to 30 days each, preparing as appropriate.

I will post my progress and my keeping to this schedule or perhaps spontaneously at some point fasting longer or starting the full Bragg program sooner.