I went from bliss to hell with my BPDw, but still miss and love her. WTF?

Hi,
My name is Bob and I married a woman 2 years ago, and everything went well for the first 6 months, then everything went haywire. Before it went haywire she went to the gym and hired a trainer to loose 68 pounds in order to seduce me into marrying her. Well, I ended up marrying her, and I thought I was in heaven. Then, she started spending money frivolously and impulsively to the tune of causing me to file for bankruptcy. You see, between the 2 of us we took in over $150,000.00/yr. She makes $20,000.00 more a year than me. She would only help pay by paying the minimum because she said if she helps pay the debt too soon I would end up leaving her when the debt was gone. She also taught her daughter to disrespect me in my own home. You see, the 2 of them lived like utter slobs to the point of ruining my house. When I tried to teach her daughter to not get black nail polish on my brand new carpet and leave unfinished food laying all around the house my wife would reprimand me in front of her daughter and tell her that I had a personality disorder. So, now the daughter can do anything she wants in my home. My wife would let her stay up all hours of the night with the TV blaring, go in the refrigerator and eat junk food whenever she wanted, and now the child is obese and looking unhealthy. My wife also has a severe compulsive gambling problem and vicodin problem. She always made me feel like crap because she said I was trying to take her gambling away and her vicodin away. I told her she can do anything she wants as long as it was done responsibly. She actually said to me: could you imagine if I stopped gambling and impulsive spending she would have lots of money. I replied: yea, then we can start doing things as a family. Her come back: well you can save for that. She use to constantly complain to me about me having a house and credit cards and she doesn’t, and what kind of husband am I if I don’t let her use the credit cards. Well, I did and now I am filing for bankruptcy. I finally told her and her daughter they had to leave. She left, and now she is punishing me.
Here is where the bipolar disorder comes in. When she left she told me with tears that she doesn’t want a divorce. OK, I thought maybe we could try and patch and save the marriage. I helped her move, came over on weekends to help fix things around her new place, and took them out to dinner and a bunch of things for her. I would do all these things only to go through her bipolar episodes of constantly reminding me of forcing her to live like she has to now because I told her to leave. One moment she loves me and the next I was a jerk for throwing her love in the gutter. She makes $90,000.00/yr. and is constantly broke and expects me to bail her out financially like a good husband. I have her and her daughter on my health insurance at the cost of $558.00/mo. You see, she gets 200 vicodin/mo on my insurance and would only get 30 vicodin/mo on her insurance, and if she goes on her insurance she is afraid that her HMO Company would see her medical history with the possibility of losing her RN nursing license. She can be pleasant one moment and at the drop of a hat be screaming at me and putting me down. She is a 24/7 complainer and you never know what will trigger an episode. She does this with daughter all the time. She keeps her daughter at home gives her anything she wants and then screams at her by cursing at her and threatening her daughter that she is going to have her live with her father in VA because her daughter is constantly trying to get her mother’s attention which she hardly gives her . Her daughter can’t socialize very well, so she keeps her daughter at home all alone in the middle of now where during the day and most nights when my wife goes gambling. The child writes on facebook constantly how crazy her mom is and can’t wait to go to VA for the summer so she can get away from her crazy mom. The child never leaves the house, but leaves only when her mom takes her for junk food or to the restaurant for dinner because her mom has all these ailments and doesn’t want to cook. I went over her house a couple of weeks ago and went gambling with her because I told her I would, but also told her we should gamble responsibly. Well she lost her money and asked me for money to keep on playing. I gave her twenties up to $100.00 and told her we should go home because her daughter has to eat. Well, I took them to dinner. While we were eating at the restaurant she had the nerve to ask me to pay her cable bill. I didn’t say a word because I didn’t want to trigger an episode in public. She then told me to hold off because she might work something out. Well I held out and she didn’t say anything further, so I left without giving her any money. The next week after not answering my phone calls until the following weekend she asked me how does it feels not having a wife answering my phone calls. She screamed and cursed me up and down for not giving her any money. She also said she knows she lost her money gambling, but she doesn’t have a husband to fall back on and bail her out. Meanwhile I hear her daughter in the background say: mommy if I had the money I would give it to you; not like your husband. I then said but you make $20,000.00/yr more than me. She said: I knew you would say that so f*** you Bobby and hung up. My friend overheard the whole episode and it even shook him up. I finally had enough of her rollercoaster ride of one minute she loves me to the next abusing and putting me down when all I’m trying to do is help her. I can’t give any more. I would have stopped the world and helped, but if they refuse to see they have a problem and won’t seek help for themselves, then there is nothing we can do. We must now take care of ourselves. Yes I know it hurts, but should we keep taking the abuse and ruin our health? I would have given my wife the world if she could only see her problem and maintain responsibly, but I can’t help her because she doesn’t think she needs it. She told me one time that when she has to retire and doesn't have anything to be secure she will just end her life. All I wanted was to have a family and do things as a family. Now, I'm extremely heartbroken and devastated. Why do I still miss and love her?
Bob
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