day 1 of 40

today i started another fast. i've been restricting and preparing myself for a water fast. i just hope that i can do this. because i have to do this. i'm so unhealthy. i wasn't always this unhealthy.

my goal is 40 days but really it's one day at a time. that is how i'm going to look at it. today i did well. i know from the past day 2 and 3 are the hardest. i can do this. because i have to.

i weighed myself this morning and was 294.5
my highest i weighed well over 350. i never want to be there again. my lowest i was 115. i go back and forth. i fully admit my addictive personalities. it is food or it is exercise. i'm not perfect. it would be nice to find a balance and be done with this. slowly i'm working on it. painfully slow.

i did yoga and meditated throughout the day. some chanting too. the fast sure yes i want weight gone...but i want some sort of peace, i'm not finding it anywhere.

it's complicated to me. we'll see.

so today almost done...i can do this because i have to.

love and light.