something about me

hi I'm new to this forum ,i've been reading ,smiling and almost crying with you about some of your problems that i to have experienced . It's a hard life if you allow it to be(well maybe it's just a hard life ,lol) and like some or most of you have said "people can be very heratless ,rude and/or hateful".

i can understand both sides of the situation to a degree because i wasn't always dealing with things like this and given it was them not us would we react any differently than they've reacted ? my problems started (i believe) when i was in high school.i started having problems with finding a deodorant that i wouldn't sweat off too quickly, couldn't find one that keep me from sweating so much and at the same time wouldn't be too harsh for my skin ,went to a dermatologist but then started also having digestion problems (well mainly my elimination ,use to chew and accidently swallow gum alot also ate a lot of fast foods when i was younger) but people would start making comments ,throwing their arms up in the air(when i came around) as if to yawn ,some even walked off in a different direction.

it had got so bad that when people would see me they would give me that look as 'oh no not him' he's here today? which like most of you had stated 'took my self-confidence down ' and in my case to almost miniscule levels (hated life and going to school,thank God i didn't do anything drastic,although there were times i had wished i had never been born).

the doctors i went to didn't seem to help much (if at all),this thing changed the whole dynamic of how i saw myself, earlier in life i was pretty confident up till this point (a little shy but not too shy). then after this occurred people would indicate that something didn't smell too good when i was around problem was i never could smell it myself(even now at times i can't) . i didn't know what the odor was or where it was coming from(which almost drove me crazy thinking about 'what the scent was that people were sensing and where it came from'(it wasn't a deo problem).this problem and consequences of it caused me to accept things that were less than what i wanted ,should have accepted and/or desired (jobs, situations,etc)

well on the social part (interacting with the opposite sex)..I'm a guy and confidence is what women are attracted to(which i didn't have) ..no confidence means no date(especially if your not smelling to good in the first place). i pretty much survived off my looks at first (was hired i believe and considered at times because i was alright to look at.while that may get your foot in the door ,if you don't smell good you may get complaints and then embarassed,which goes back to the point of people believing one thing about you but don't fully know ,understand or consider what the truth may be, but who can you tell that ,who knows what you're going through? who can relate? i found no one that i could truly trust with what i was going through(so i pretty much suffered alone in silence, withdrawing from family functions more and more and only venturing out when i truly had no other choice but to do so .

one good thing is at least during this time (recently) i grew a little more closer to God ( recently been asking his help more and searching for answers through prayer and his word and eating better)things sometimes got worse ,but i did/do have some alright times .i've heard God doesn't allow more to be placed on you than you're able to handle ( esp when your're seeking him and his path)while i'm not completely healed physically ,i am believing God's word and trying to eat better, which had i known earlier in life i would've done cursed icecream ,cake ,pies,and cookies lol. but i'm thankful to God i ran into this forum that i believe will help me and i (with God's help )will help others in return.by the way ,i've come to realize that it's a fecal smell sometimes a urine smell at times and rotten smell at times (seems to alternate) found out by overhearing people talk.

what i believe it could be is that there's like an onion situation going on, what i mean that it's like layers (it's not just one thing but a combination of things that we are facing so it complicates the situation) so when you do one thing to get rid of the problem ..something else that was already there (but hidden) will appear ,which causes frustration and if you're not aware then it will also cause you to lose hope, although you may have been on the right path to getting healthy. my advice to all is just don't give up because i believe God has seen our tears ,frustration(s)and heard our cry and a change is on it's way , around the corner may be even at the door . but i believe the key is prayer ,being grateful(to God) for the things and people we have in our lives(whether big or little things everyday, no matter what has occured that day) i know it's hard but some people have it worse than we do.

things we could be thankful for are :like food , clothes on your back, a place to stay, you woke up this morning to be able to find that missing link(thats plaguing your health),if you have a job , etc ) but please don't give up you're needed in this fight.God bless you ,love you all with the love of the Lord (you're my brothers and sisters in battle, which with God's help we will win!)i'm sorry about the length of this thing but just wanted to share but some of you may say man, you shared to much and now i'm going to be late lol. till next time good bye