I understand that you seem to have a giant job on this forum. But my advice is this. Watch, like a hawk, the poster that has, in the past, been so abusive. And everything else will fall into place. There is one poster that starts the abuse and then we all fall into attacking back. I think that if you do this, you won't have to spend time trying to decide whether "men" is being used in an abusive way.
It's the personal attacks that are so offensive.