New Here and have been reading your posts

Reading everyone's post has helped me to realize that although I absolutely feel like I have lost my mind, I am not alone in this madness and that other women are suffering right along side me.

I am 46 and started having mood swings, depression, anxiety, no tolerance for stress of any sort, and a general overall feeling of doom and gloom about 5 yrs ago that is increasingly becoming worse every month!

I have tried diet and exercise (I only weight about 128lbs - not over weight) tried vitamins and supplements, tried bio-identical HRT, and now just recently have been placed on low dose estrogen birth control pills. I am praying this works because none of the other treatments have helped much at all. I also have tried Xanax, and Valium, which remarkably barely calm me down.

I truly believe my husband has come to hate me over the years due my mood swings, lack of sex drive, lack of energy, Depression and negative outlook on just about everything. I am just not even close to the same person I was when we met and for the first 15 years or so of our marriage. He does not understand what I am going through (he claims he does but he truly does not get it at all) and keeps telling me that basically this is all my fault because I choose to be negative and I choose to have no control over my emotions. I try to get him to read some information on peri-menopause so he can better understand what is happening but he say's why bother - he has to desire to get on the crazy bus with me. He is staying around because of sheer economics and the fact that we have a young son in kindergarten.

I fight negative thoughts daily and find myself thinking more and more about suicide and how I just want this over with. What good is life with zero pleasure or fun? All I do is work at work, work at home, and fight with my husband, get depressed, and so on...it all just sucks beyond comprehension.

I don't actually think I would try to take my own life because I love my son too much and would never want to do anything to hurt him. But if he wasn't in my life, I honestly think there are days when it just is all too much and checking out seems like a very good option.

Perimenopause stinks - it has ruined my life and I haven't even gotten to the missed periods or hot flashes yet, so does that mean this will get even worse?

Thanks for listening

Stardusty