I wish I could make my letters ten feet tall....would they get through? This, too, shall pass. It will!

You must have hope, some hope or you wouldn't have even bothered getting out of bed the day you wrote that or bothered loggin' on, dear. Am I right?

(You wrote it 10/24. Oh, good!) Listen, love....there were days when I just went on auto "I want to die, I wish I were dead, I want to die, I want to die", ad NAUSEUM!

Didn't really want to die. But here's a glimpse of how the brain works. Ever see where someone has gone over and over something....? Lays down "tracks", doesn't it? Cars form ruts, bears in the zoos even....you can see the endless circles they travel day in and day out like robots. Tracks form in our minds the same way. The brain tracks information using DENDRITES. Now, it's like "oh, crap....now I gotta deal with what are called ANTS....Automatic Negative Thoughts"

God will help you. Go to gregorydickow.com and print off ALL FORTY PAGES of his 40-day fast from negative thinking. (Now,....be careful. Not everything that looks or sounds negative is really negative. Might just be the truth. Cold harsh-sounding truth. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.)

It is not YOU, DEARIE! YOU are not a bad person. (Well, maybe you are, but I digress!) YOUr husband is not the enemy either so STOP arguing. JUST decide...."Stop talking" I told my husband one day. And we did. It probably saved our marriage. Because silence can be golden. Just DECIDE....for the sake of that innocent, wonderful, deserving son of yours that you will not and cannot and WON'T change who God means for him to be by arguing in front of him and bashing his heart to bits.

Go IN. Learn to fast. Get any JUNK out of your body. Learn to pray. Learn to believe in God. Learn to accept that He loves you, forgives you, believes in YOU, wraps His loving, warm arms around you and will get you through ANYTHING. And I do mean anything. He got me through 11 years of KILLER MIGRAINES with NO MEDS and my head exploding in a fireball with every beat of my heart and I'm married to the man who did this to me and he is not repentent one iota and I have to forgive him (a long process because of brutality of it all), all the other brutal stuff he's done that leaves me too injured to leave right now.....long story. But my point is that God is bigger than ANYONE'S problems. Don't think so? He parted the Red Sea and anyone who tells this world that the wind did it is 1) no scientist and 2) full of hot air himself!

God bless you, dear. "This, too, shall pass."

Now go give that husband of yours a hug and ask for a new start.