Re: I can't meet anyone new or do whatever I love and it's driving me crazy.....

Bless your heart!!!!!!  You've endured some horrific experiences, and the physical reaction that you had at the cafe is 100% normal considering your past.  Having said that, in order to manage these types of reactions ("triggers"), the past issues need to be addressed with a counselor/therapist.  Being a Survivor of domestic violence and abuse, I speak from personal experience:  if I hadn't sought counseling and learn to manage my past issues, I would still be basing all of my present choices and decisions on the lack of self-esteem that was a result of the violence and abuse.  Yeah, it was definitely uncomfortable to go to someone that I didn't know and talk about these things, but my counselor gave me some priceless suggestions and management tools so that I could cope with PSTD triggers, avoid making bad choices in friends, etc.  I'm still learning about maintaining boundaries, and it's a daily thing that I need to attend to.

That you were an innocent child compounds the issues - you did not have a "choice" as to whom your parent(s) would be or how they would treat you.  This very fact takes away any self-esteem or ability to make reasonable choices because you weren't allowed to have a choice.  So, I would gently urge you to look into some form of counseling before entering into a serious relationship.  Having been made a victim by a parent, without counseling to work out these issues, a person will most likely choose a partner who will continue to victimize them or develop into an abuser, themselves. 

Brightest blessings, and best of luck to you!