Re: 10-Day Fast

Hi, Lemonista,
Thank you again for another so-nice and empowering message! I want to repeat to myself what you first said, that we are far stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

Congratulations on Day 16. One point on which I'm curious -- the British slang "grotty --" what means exactly? I love words and always get curious about these things. There's a genuine love I can remind myself of. When depressed (due to the neurological problems engendered by bacteria/yeast/parasites) I often have the sense that have no interests. Anyway you say you are feeling better now. Congratulations. You say you have waited for this in your life and I feel the same way. Do you want to share your history a bit?

I have a friend who's suffering from Depression right now and needs to do a lot of serious creative work and she talked of doing a 3-day fast with me as I was doing this fast. At first she was just talking about going back to fasting 1 day a week. Then as we talked last night and i told her of my new 23-day goal she began to talk about going 3 days.

Right now I have to worry about myself, though. This period I am entering on feels crucial. Typically I have abandoned fasts around the 48-hour mark, as I mentioned in my first post (so long, sorry). Tonight I will hit the 48-hour mark and I may be vulnerable to thoughts of "having done enough." As if!!!! But I may be very vulnerable to strong fears of going into the unknown. In the past, several times, or at least a few times, I have managed to make 4-day fasts, a little over four days. But the two-day mark still feels like the edge of the familiar. STILL. I mean -- two days -- come on. I really want to tell myself it just is not a big deal and I have always wanted a longer fast and IT IS TIME. I have suffered long enough etc.

I do think I will have the courage and cheerfulness to go beyond two days. But I still feel I really need to work on my basis/foundation/imaging/motivation/rationale for going beyond 3 days, for going to 10 days, for going into a real Long Fast, beyond 10 days.

I need a way of conceiving of, of thinking about, the Long Fast.

... I need to think about how to do this...
... I could just take the whole fast one moment at a time, but I still feel the need for a guiding rationale to lead me to fast at least several days.

OK! i CAN fast at least several days. I can feel that this is necessary, timely, advisable, feasible, and if not pleasant, at least bearable.

I have to admit I am actually a little scared to get to the point at which "hunger" pangs vanish and I don't feel hungry and I feel good. people talk of being tempted to fast forever. i know my rational mind will not lose control but I still feel scared -- or rather i fear that having good feelings will actually make me panic and bully me, as it were, into breaking the fast. My panic sometimes really does operate this way.

But: I can hardly believe I am already at the two-day mark, almost!! This is really wonderful to me.

So -- I am now confident of fasting at least several days. I really can go one week. That feels right now like the edge of my comfort zone. I would like to expand that comfort zone so I do not create a self-fulfilling prophecy and just go the week anticipating breaking the fast at the seven-day mark. That kind of anticipation has been for me very hard to break.

i can remind myself of what I have read many times -- that a long fast is far more beneficial than several short fasts.

Let me voice some fears. I am scared of how long it will take for my body to get hungry again after a long fast, if I do not fast to completion; and I am scared of and in dread of the several days of eating so little following the break of the long fast. I will probably tend to be hugely anxious to regain any lost weight. This is really not good. I need to have the ability to be ultra-brave (my body will want food again, I will not die -- and the fear comes from the bacteria fearing its own death anyway) and ultra-patient (I CAN delay gratification and WAIT to eat amounts I am accustomed to... and I hope NOT eat such amounts again, really -- I really do eat too much at once.

Well, i can conceive of fasting ten days. And I can conceive of eating lightly enough after that to be gentle and obey my body. But I really need to get my 23-day inspiration back. i probably should search on line today for narratives of 20-to- 30-day fasts.

Thanks again for your attention and support. Looking forward to ten days PLUS.
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