Fenix Rides Again

Hi All

Been a bit since I posted, but I am alive. When we left off I had gone and gotten some testing done. The “HIV Related” measures were not particularly encouraging, however my full blood panel showed me to be in excellent health.

I felt good on the subjective level. I was really a bit disappointed when it came to numbers. I felt like I had done some pretty intense things programs to see little to no improvement, actually “worse” than numbers from about a year ago. I had changed my food programs, done quite a bit of stuff that I would consider fairly hard core. It was a confusing result I suppose. Disappointing.

But I really had a mixed feeling about numbers at that point. So, I hit the internet. I wanted to understand my experience in a more recent context. I’m far more removed mentally and better able to critically evaluate information now than I was a few years ago.

In the not too distant past I was mostly struggling to make sense of my own situation and understand how I should treat myself to keep from dying. I know I am not going to die so easily. So that is mostly over now. Still I occasionally catch myself thinking negative thoughts (propaganda) and just squelch them. I had been chasing this thing like a specter in the distance. I was afraid of what might happen in the future. But at this point I realize more of what health actually is.

I’m not really sure what the whole HIV phenomena is in its entirety. Everything points to some sort of misinterpretation in my mind though. So many people on so many sides, all of them just trying to do their best with what they are given I suppose. Its confusing. But that’s why I am involved with it I suppose. To find the truth, to find myself and help others do the same.

So anyway, I am very numbers oriented and I respect good data. Sadly my experience has shown me that at least in my case, the main blood related quantitative indicators, CD4 (t-cells) and viral load tests, have little to do with ability to predict health. Mine specifically, but some reading will show that they cannot predict anyone else’s either. This is the only disease were these indicators are used to predict health.  I don’t understand how anyone can look at all this and still think mainstream AIDS rhetoric is cohesive. It truly is insanity and confusion. It’s so strange to see how one group of people and another group of people will interpret the same set of results entirely differently. But at this point I’m convinced, I’m not going to be killed by an extremely elusive virus and what I am experiencing is a metabolic disturbance.

The Schulze stuff is really awesome with nutrition and proper care for one’s self so I decided I am going to do another run of the IP and just relax. I’m done looking at numbers that have been proven to mean nothing. All they do is cause undue stress which ultimately is more destructive for me than anything else. I was told I would have a “fast progression” and that I would probably have AIDS within 5 years. 6 years later, I’ve never been chronically sick and no matter how much they told me I would be soon, it never materialized.

I’d rather go with subjective “how do I feel, where am I at” assessments and try to understand my body’s responses. I used to rely on the numbers to get a feeling for what I was, but I neglected to ask myself, how am I right now, so I guess in that sense I still believed the hype. I really have read enough to be over it though.

My goal remains the same. I want to go negative, Dr. Schulze thinks it’s possible, me too, for a lot of reasons, so I’m going for it. But I am realizing it will take some time on the proper protocol and choices in my life that I’m not sure I was ready to make 5 years ago. This experience most likely took time to manifest, it will thus take some time for it to resolve. I really feel like the full, juice fast IP was a great start. There were things I could have done better, but overall I am quite proud of how well it went. I think I whipped up a lot of stuff and I didn’t clear it all during that 30 days. It’s all on its way out though. Maybe in a few months I will get some more testing, just to see, but I am done depending on it to assess where I am. I know all of the good health that I attract is by that virtue alone pushing out all of the negativity I had accumulated.

Something I remembered from the NHC videos was mention of what you should do if you are “on the edge.” I had been convinced for a couple of years that I could start my spiral downward at any moment. It hasn’t happened yet. So I have determined I am not “on the edge.” I probably haven’t ever even been close. Now I know, this will only improve with time and positive feeding/habits. One thing I am really going to work on is the mental aspect of my life. Just being happy that I am healthy, knowing that I am going to be fine and enjoying doing well because I am not being threatened by anything. Really appreciate the information I got from here and all of your awesome encouragement when I went through the IP.

Started up liver cleansing this week. Going to push at this thing till its over :)

Fenix