Re: Emotional upheaval caused by sexual issues with husband

BlueRose, thanks for your reply! I've asked the question and he became very angry. He said he wasn't gay and he wouldn't be married if he was gay. I tried to explain that there are many married gay men, and he told me I was crazy. I tried telling him that I think gay is something that one doesn't choose and tried to show nonjudgement so he'd feel comfortable telling me, but he went off further. He then started telling me all the things I do wrong, like not cleaning to his standards and he resents that I don't make that much money, so he turned it around on me. I couldn't believe his explosive reaction, and I've been afraid to bring it up since.

My gut tells me something isn't right, but because I feel so distraught and hurt, I'm not sure if I'm overeacting. Usually if I can be objective, I trust my gut, but I feel subjectively out of whack on this one.

I can understand differences in libido, and I'd love to tell myself that's it, but then again things aren't adding up with the relationship he had before me. Supposedly he only dated this woman for 2 months (whom I never saw and don't know, and none of his friends met her (he's very vague about this relationship and acts uneasy when I've asked questions, but has talked in detail about a couple girlfriends from years ago), which seems strange. He hadn't had an intimate relationship for 2 years before that. There were about 20 condoms used from the box, which means he was having sex a lot for him in 2 months. I still don't know how he managed to use condoms, he supposedly never took v1agra until after we were together, and there's no way a condom works when we do it. He only initiates sex once a month on average sometimes longer, in the beginning we had sex once a week to every 2 weeks. I thought it was libido and his age then.

I've tried talking him into going to counseling, but he won't acknowlege there's a problem, saying it's his age, and he doesn't want to discuss our sex life with someone he doesn't know. He started telling me how pretty I am lately and is trying to smooth the whole thing over by patronizing me all the time. I'm just not sure what to make of it and have been hoping something changes, but I don't see it happening. It's been driving me crazy not feeling confident in what's going on and I wonder how I can live with this doubt about his sexuality.

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