Is my girlfriend a selfish lover?

Alright so I don't know how to approach this, i've hinted and tried to talk about it but it feels like she avoids most things outside the realm of the action of sex like it's the plague for the most part.

I'll try not to be graphic but here's basically our typical sex life.

Usually at night or in the morning I start trying to turn her on... either I get "lucky" or she says no i'm too tired and sometimes i persist a little more but most the time i get shot down accept it and go to bed and try to make my hormones chill out.

Most of the time i'm on top because she likes it and she never wants to get on top usually I get her on top while we are having sex as shes already turned on but most of the time when I ask her to be on top before sex she usually throws out some comment that she dosn't want to and then most the time gets on top.

Fellatio is a rarity to receive it from her. She says her mouth hurts when she does it which is understandable as she has some metal in her mouth but lately I'm now thinking it's about the same when I give to her as I cut up the bottom of my tongue on my teeth or my jaw going numb... Usually I'd give fellatio whenever she never asks but she likes it and I would do it for the wrong reason of expecting it in return. Since I've just done and it has never been sent back. And rarely we 69... and sorry to get graphic but we are all adults she usually stops fellatio when I start to cllmax which not that she has to swallow or any of that but for the most part it's like watching a movie you were psyched about and then at the end they wrap it up but just having in giant words THE END without really doing anything as a finale. I don't know how most people think of it but I just feel like it would be the same as if I gave fellatio and then just stopped before cllmax and left the room. It would be nice if it was ever firstly initiated without me saying or having to talk about it but I really never saw it as a huge problem just makes sex on my end a bit bland. Not to be "gross" but we are adults and she also avoids my ejaculate like a plague... I can't help that it happens and it would probably work out better for me if it didn't and personally I don't see what the big deal is as ejaculate is probably cleaner than going down on her(not saying shes dirty but vagina's are more prone to bacteria etc....) .

Thats the extent of it mainly about 2 positions usually me on top. Or me mainly giving fellatio. On average probably about 3-4 times a week but has been declining and for the first almost 2 years we were mainly long distance except for summers because of school.

And to clarify the gritty details I'm not a bad lover... I'm not saying I'm God's gift to women but I'm good at what I do... on average she usually orgasms 2-4 times during intercourse and yes I know shes not faking it...

So I'd like more of the female perspective on this, my current actions is I'm just not going to have sex with her and if she starts anything I'm just going to put her hands back on her and then keep to myself so she knows what it feels like to be in my position. I try to research new stuff to do, and even though she reads tons of magazines that gives sex tips(as I read them too because I don't feel emasculated by reading interesting material directed towards women). I love my girlfriend she very smart(college grad) and I'm proud of her and support all her endeavors(Ive loaned her 1500 to go to Europe with her best friend for a month and have 100% trust in her) and I try to be the best man for her but I think I may have been semi delusional as recently I've been adding some things up and think that she has anger issues(not often but looking at her parents I know where she gets it) and might be a selfish lover as I feel like anger and selfishness go hand in hand as they are very interpersonal feelings.

In the end I think I need advice. It's hard to talk to her about it because I don't want to anger her but more and more I realize it's more a legitimate thing to do as I feel like I've been following the societal view of the male where it's good for the man to lead during sex and not ask for anything in return. I feel as if she treats me like a man sometimes instead of a relationally equal partner... and yes guys have feelings too and to a real man sex means more than just getting off it's trust and intimacy in it's fullest and hurts when it feels like your partner doesn't meet you halfway. I've had alot of life experience(military, college, moving around alot as a kid) and have witnessed alot and try to be the most understanding person I can but this relationship is starting to feel like one of my biggest challenges and I feel as if it shouldn't be a challenge...

In the end my main fear is waking up 20 to 30 years from now and realizing I'm old(not to offend anyone in their 50s) and can no longer be as sexual as I could have been right now and realizing that one of the most intimate times in my life was nothing more than me satisfying someone with little in return.

Anyway thanks in advance for any advice.