my 'sperience....

I already have. I have many times over the last several months. A total of five cups, I think. 3 during my IP break, one during a weak moment during my IP this month and one on my break this week. Guess what?

I wanted it to be good.
It wasn't.

The one I had that was truly a 'cheat' because I was IP'ing...
yeah...I came clean with my coach the next day. I felt totally ragged out, depressed the next day, my adrenals were in a super pinch, I was frustrated and had little patience by the late afternoon and.....drumroll........

my bunion that's been shrinking to NUTHIN' during IP was swollen and very painful by evening. :(

Can I say that again?

Yeah....

:(

I had one big super strong cup on Monday. Wanted to paint - love my ritual. Cleaned off my palette, made my java. This time, I've been making it with cacao beans (a few ground up for anti-oxidant love) and brewed to perfection. It was lovely - then afterwards, I felt chased, tense...and like I had to really work to hold my sh*t together. THEN - I crashed. I felt horrible. My liver hurt and I didn't want to paint anymore. I was very frustrated that my once close-friend turned on me! When did that happen? (Lol)

Am I frustrated by it? Yes. Do I think/hope it'll make me wanna give maca another try? Other blends? Yes and yes. But in all truth...I really, really want neuro-chemical balance way more. I want adrenal calm WAY more. I want my children to NOT BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION in their twenties with folks in some holographic world with an avatar. I have a shoe fetish. I have a PHENOMENAL collection of shoes. Not Amelda Marcos-quality numbers but the participants are truly works of art. I want this bunion GONE. My cutie shoes gots to be taken out and shown off! :)

I do have really good news, though. I had a womens group here last week. A bunch of women I know wanted to have one and I offered to let 'em use this house for the first one. It's a huge old duplex/farm house thing. For the first time IN YEARS, I had no crystals in my pockets (smoky quartz, amethyst, onyx & hematite were my favorites) and had taken NO tinctures (sedatives, adrenal calmers) to hang out. I was not super taxed at the end of the night. I cavorted with 7 women and had intense and healing discussions, hosted the thing and didn't flip out, privately, once.

Put that in the agoraphobic pipe & smoke it! :) Tweet