Okay

I'm reading!

The radiology people called me a 2nd time today to schedule (based on the "doctor's oders") an appt for the CT scan and carotid ultrasound... I was lying in bed w/ my heart pounding, and reluctantly scheduled an appointment for tomorrow.

Halfway through reading your post above, I gathered my courage and called and cancelled the appointment. I am a submissive wimp most of the time, so this was hard for me to do. It will be reeeally hard for me to explain this to the doc when he asks why. Wimp asks: "What will I tell him?.... and what will he think of me?" ....  Wimp continues, "What will I say to my friends and family who ask if I've done x, y or z?"

Yes, this is all very, very hard. I was raised by a mother who was an RN and who to this day practically worships MDs. [edit]

I almost married an MD. (I called it off. He was a jerk.) But still, i had this idea in my head that it would be SO cool to be married to one. That image... the caring, super-educated, highly-trained, highly-respected DOCTOR.

Yes I am fully indoctrinated that way. It has been part of my world view.

Yet... yet... God has given me enough intelligence to see the logic in and value of cleansing, of eating clean, etc. I have had no problem evolving my world view to include these things. I can safely add these things to my life, and gradually cut out the things that are no-brainer bad (caffeine, smoking, etc).

However the idea of saying "no" to a doctor's orders -- though i've read a lot about it here -- is totally new to me and does shake my world view. It is without doubt a paradigm shift.

There are times, however, when one has to move forward in faith. I have done that in my spiritual beliefs. I have done that in AA. "I don't have all the answers. I don't understand it all yet (and may never understand it all). But I know enough to know that this is probably a good course to pursue, and I will have faith in what I know so far, and in the people whom I trust, to follow this course."

So... I'm going to give this a girl scout try, Uny.

If you know anyone in my locale I can meet and talk to in person, that would be a big help. I needs peoples. You know where I am.

NOW. Back to my reading.