Need encouragement

Folks, I wonder sometimes how we ended up in this little corner of the world, turning to this forum for solace!...

I'm not doing so well, and I could use some encouragement. My problems aren't all that bad in the grand scheme of things... but I'm feeling pretty low.

(No, Uny, it's not typical depression. It's different. Read on.)

My heart is still racing/pounding -- seems like it's getting worse -- and I had another spell of light-headedness today. Fortunately it was mild compared to the Big Faint last week and the episode in Dec.... I turned out my office lights and lay down on the floor. I had eaten a small lunch (1/2 apple, a slice of sprouted grain bread w/ coconut oil, and then about an hour later a cup & half of pea soup). Afterwards i got extremely drowsy again. Really, really drowsy. I was thinking i needed to lie down. A co-worker made a crack like "You just need to get some caffeine back into your system". (grrrr.... she knows how hard it's been to cut down this far).... Then within 5 min. I was light-headed & had to lie down.

Anyway... this thing with my heart is what's really bothering me. Have to admit it's scary. I've never had any "serious" health problems. This probably isn't one either, in fact. But it's scary, nonetheless, being the big ticker.

I'm not doing well at work -- not as productive as I should be. Yes I'm hard on myself.... but i also know i've been a different person at work the last few months.

My mom is the person I'd always call when sick. Moms can be good at that anyway (who else will hold your head when you puke?! ha)... But now, with my mom's condition, I'm having to be the parent now; and I have to protect her from knowing about this. Selfishly, this sucks.

Yeah I have friends, and siblings. But they don't know much about my natural healing stuff and wouldn't be terribly supportive. So.......... guess I'm feeling kind of alone.

I did see an MD and am getting bloodword done in the morning. He also wants me to wear a Holter monitor. I'm going to do these things... but he also recommended a CT scan, and I'm scared of that based on what I've read here. I don't plan on doing that unless the other tests don't lead us anywhere. Or not at all.

As you can see I'm on the fence about natural healing vs. allopathic med. Still learning. I'm not at the place yet where I can eschew allopathic medicine. Have to be honest here. On the other hand, I sure as heck won't proceed blindly w/ anything they suggest.

Uny, I haven't had the energy to do juicing... I planned to make some tonight but i need sleep desperately & have to get up early in the am. I want to do a juice fast but guess I'm hoping this thing (whatever it is) will settle a bit first.

Really.... i'm okay. I know i'll be okay. I'm just feeling some emotions right now... Hey a good old-fashioned breakdown might be just the ticket! (and i might finally cry like i've been needing to for months)  8-/

Thanks for listenin'

-B