Re: Wow...

What it tells me is that he's looking for a casual, non-committed relationship with preconcieved ideas and boundaries.  Whether you'd been talking to him for 6 weeks or not, it takes years for people to learn about one another, even after they've entered a committed relationship.  There's nothing that you can do about his choices, but you certainly can examine your own motives or needs to replace your lover with someone else.  You might want to consider living without a significant other for a while and keeping your interactions with men on a friends-only basis until you sort out the reasons that you opted for an affair rather than divorcing. 

You didn't address your need to spy on this guy, either.  I can undestand being cautious, definitely!  But, you seem to be very concerned about what this guy is doing, and you're not even involved in a relationship, yet.  If you have trust issues, that's normal - we all do.  But, you can't cultivate a healthy, meaningful relationship with anyone (platonic friends, included) without addressing your trust issues.