I have been in a similar situation so I empathise with you. I had it for 8 years. The best strategy you can adopt is to get out of the relationship. Don't believe a word this man says to degrade you or persuade you to stay and work all the dynamics out later. At some point, you may want to examine your own responsibility for the situation but for now, get the hell out.
Good luck with it, honey. If you get out now you will later see how you are helping THE WHOLE WORLD in getting out....and not just you (and him).