Ego is surely the last bastien of the voice of doubt, and of authority...not an easy place to walk *through*
I confess I can't follow much of what you wrote,
but this is certainly a fact: Fear may say you shall end up in an insane asylum - it did to me
Sometimes a breakdown is a breakthrough. It was for me at a critical point. I intuit it is that for many, many people, who haven't found the Grace to assist them through.
Had I gone the assylum route, I may not have made it back.
best to you.