How to deal with my problems when i cant forgive and desire revenge

I need advise on dealing with my stressors. Basically I had a couple of enemies who had done some extremely bad things to me in the past. Now I wanted to take revenge on them but couldn't find them. I always used to get angry thinking of them and always thought about revenge. However the emotions weren't chronic because I just reminded myself I'd find them one day.

The problem was that I was so pissed off that eventually my emotions did become chronic. A few months of this and my health was affected e.g. fatgue, wrinkes, premature ageing.

During my illness I tried to forgive. First it worked by now its back and I find it hard to forgive. As such I have told myself I will take revenge after I recover. By this thought and with patience I am controlling my stressor.

My question is, even though I am not getting anry or rageful since i am waiting to recover, isn't my subconcious desire for revenge going to stress my body without me knowing? If so how do I get over these enemies who have done extremely bad things and I just can't bring myself to forgive because of my memories.

thanks