[EDIT] Dis-ability

Last night or early this morning, someone prayed for me. I know because I had a "flash dream" where I saw myself suspended in mid-air, except it wasn't "air" I was suspended in, it was brilliant, golden-yellow light. The heat was intense, but pleasantly bearable. This morning when I awoke, my body was drenched in perspiration. Menopausal "night sweats?" lol Possibly. Or was the "dream" actually reality?

This morning, as I do every morning, I started my day with prayer and meditation. Vernal was strongly on my heart, so I prayed for him. He had openly shared his struggles with loneliness and lack of provision, money, and a job. He also shared a desire to help others with some kind of a healing ministry, which is one mark of an open, loving, compassionate heart.

I have my own concerns for "the future." I have to have, or find, a way to supplement my income for not only myself, but four children. As I search for "a job," I am constantly reminded that although I have a college degree, I haven't been in the workforce in 25 years and that I have a "disability." I ask myself, "What can I actually DO that will be of some profit to an employer?" I also ask, "With the economy being as bad as it is, and with as many as 800 people applying for one little position that doesn't even pay very well, why would an employer choose me over someone healthier or just plain faster?" When I have thoughts like these, I want to cry. I feel worthless. Then these thoughts extend to other areas of my life. "Who would ever want me? I have no real value." It's VERY difficult to put one foot in front of the other one when you believe few people love you or even care about you.

Every day I have to fight mental and emotional battles as well as physical ones. I have forces in my life that reinforce the "who would ever want you" thoughts in my mind. Every morning, the first thing I do is have a quiet time with the Lord- my Heavenly Father. Every morning I pray for people the Lord lays on my heart, but I also pray for myself. I KNOW my Father loves me. I KNOW I'm His daughter. I KNOW Jesus Christ is my brother. I KNOW that as a Daughter of God that I have God's Spirit living within me, and that I have the same power Jesus does. So why do I entertain negative thoughts and beliefs like "Nobody would ever hire me. Nobody would ever want me. I am dis-abled."?

What??? Who put these thoughts into my head? It wasn't God, that's for sure.

The only thing limiting me is ME. I choose which thoughts to believe, and which to reject. "I have a dis-ability. Frowny face. :-(" Do I, really? Or do I REALLY have an "ability?" lol

"I have the ability to face adversity, meet challenges head on, and solve problems creatively."

"I have the ability to persevere where others fail or give up."

"I have a strong belief system which allows me to do the impossible."

"I am, slowly and patiently, healing myself of frickin' muscular dystrophy, and if that ain't some kind of an ability, I don't know what is!"

So do I buy the "victim" role any more? Heck, no! Do I think there's a bright future for me? Actually, I have a DAZZLING future in front of me!!! And you know what? I've got a secret to tell you... the "future" is NOW! That's right! If we always wait for "the future," we'll never get anything done!

So instead of feeding that pity party junk, get out your paintbrushes, canvas, and water colors. Start painting the picture of the world you'd like to live in. Dream. Dream really big, really loud, and in full Technicolor. I've already got a vision for what I want. I'll give you a clue and tell you there are a BUNCH of bluebonnets in that picture. lol

You concentrate on that dream, that destiny. You hold it in your heart. You analyze every thought that comes into your mind. Does it support your vision or negate it in some way? If it negates or limits your dream, get rid of it, even if it's hard to do. This is hard work. You have to analyze every action. In my dream world, do I get up at 5:30 AM, ready to kick start the day, or do I luxuriously sleep in till 10 AM every day? Am I waking up to the scent of fresh high count cotton sheets and a gentle spring breeze coming through the window, or have I spent the night in a silk cocoon? Is my first drink of the morning freshly squeezed organic orange juice mixed with homemade Superfood? What does the glass I'm drinking from look like? What am I wearing? What kind of physical shape am I in? How did I make the money to pay for these things? Do I have a "to live for" job? How did I land that job? Am I sharing my juice with a lover/partner/spouse? What kind of a person is (s)he?

Each of us have both abilities and dis-abilities. We are either heroes or victims. We can either work toward our dreams, visions, and goals, or we can watch the world pass us by and complain in misery.

I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to find some land and plant me some bluebonnet seeds. :-)

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