Just venting: Does It Ever Get Easy......Some days its hard to deal with this.

hi everybody to all who are just like me.

well this morning I'm thinking about everything I've been through now and the past three years dealing with this. I still haven't found the answers to my situation. Or found someone who will listen and understand me. But I've been spending a lot of time in reflections just thinking and still researching. Before the new year came in I was feeling like I can't go outside anymore and going to work or being in public is so hard for me. But I take each day as it comes with courage and grace. With my head up high. Even though I may be breaking and falling to pieces on the inside. Sometimes I get really worried that I may want to give up. Because living like this gets to be too much and its even worse when those around make fun, don't understand but give me such a hard time. Like I work in retail and the other day I found a shopping cart full of deodorants and soaps in it pushed in my department. With a note read happy valentines day. Or how my coworkers daily always drop hints about baths and showers or how others smell good. Sometimes it makes me feel less of a person when they do that to me. Especially in front of others it hurts me so bad. Though I never ever let it show. Its even really hard for me to be in public. Like when I went on my lunch break out out to a Subway restaurant and sat in the restaurant and as I was eating my sub the assistant manager came over to my table and said are you finish with dirty look on his face. So I spoke up and said why? are you trying to get me to leave and he then left me alone walked away from my table and I continued to finish my sub. Because I have a right to be there just like everybody else. Then I got up and left since then I haven't ate there again. Because one I don't want no trouble two I don't want someone embarrassing me again like that. Because there were other customers in there that day too. But they looked at him like he was wrong any way. So now I just go home for lunch and go back to work. I feel more at peace when I go home for lunch. It gives me an hour of peace. No matter in this world could ever understand what I go through up to five showers, doctors who say nothing wrong with me, its all in my head and need to stop this, people laughing at me, talking behind my back, leaving deodorants, perfumes, hygene products, notes, blurting comments out at me, dirty looks, spreading rumors around about me, humiliating me, etc. sometimes I fall in and out of this deep depression. I'm scared it may escalate to something worse but I found therapist. So I'm going to go because this has been going on long enough for three years now and I am alone in this. Where nobody understands me but talks looks down on me. I'm never an unhappy or miserable person but have a great spirit on myself and life. But I feel the people around me and causing a great deep emotional pain and damage in me. I keep my distance and try to stay positive no matter what. Because I know in my heart I am not causing this on purpose. The reason for this I still don't understand. I feel like I do have (TMAU) Trimethylaminuria. Because I was check for everything else that could be the cause of Body Odor and been told I'm in excellent health by every physician I've seen so far. But I'm not going to give up and I'm still continuing to find the answers my heart searches for. Thanks to all who cared to listen to me venting. Much love to you all.