I am glad that you guys are trying to avoid divorce. That is a good first step.
I understand that it is frustrating that things are moving slow, but you need to remember that you have been given a second change. You also need to stop thinking about what is not going right. Patience is an important key in making a relationship work. You need to forgive her for what she has done. Until you can do this you will not be able to move forward.
1.) You are expecting way to much at the beginning. Be patient. Take a step back and think about why she is keeping you at a good distance. (Is there something you have done or are currently doing that could be causing this.)
2.) Try to have some type of converstations with her. Anything is better than nothing. Try to remember what it was about you that made her fall in love with you the first time. Give her time about the counseling. Also, there is nothing saying that you can't go to counseling without her.
3.) Talk to each other about the problems that you both have and find out from each other what you can each do to resolve them.
There is a book called the love dare. You should trying reading it. I have not but
"The Love Dare personally leads you through daily devotionals, records your thoughts and experiences, and ends each day daring you to perform a simple act of love for your spouse. This 40-Day journey equips you to melt hardened, separated hearts into an enduring love that can withstand the flames of fear, pride and temptation. The Love Dare book will help you reinforce and enrich your marriage, earn back a love you thought was lost, and hear more about the One who not only designed unconditional, sacrificial love."
I think that with counseling, prayer,communication, love , and patience you guys can make this work. Remember stop thinking about what she is not doing.