Day 5 of up and down misery that is this fast

I have been diving into my Bible and finding some comfort. Things have been moving in my life. I felt God's presence so strongly in church today that I could stop crying. I could only pray for K and the path he has chosen. I felt so selfish to ask for my heart's desire myself.

I had so much energy yesterday. I was up since 3:30 a.m. Friday night and I didn't lay down and try to sleep until Saturday around 11:00 p.m. I cleaned, cried, prayed, and cried some more. At least the best part of it, I got a lot of stuff cleaned out of my trailer.

K asked me in I was going to be online last night. I said for a little while. I sat there on Yahoo wondering what to talk about. He said he was just there for me. I didn't know what to say. He said that I say I am sorry alot and I treat him differently now. Yes, I guess I do. I am just trying to be a friend when my heart wants to scream "I want more, I want to be selfish and take what I want" instead I just tell him that I will pray for him and his choice to try and restore what he had with his ex wife. I can only hope that it is in God's will.

Nothing feels worse then knowing that I did have what it takes for someone to find me special enough to stay with.

I had a bit of detox symptoms yesterday but I drank lots of water to help ease it. I just don't know how long this will go on. I can only allow God to move me as I seek comfort in His word.

God bless