Re: Moving away from an unhealthy relationship - advice needed!!!

I've been in previous relationships before this latest one. I never had any problem letting go when things didn't work out well. However, I never felt so much in love with someone as I did this person either. The hurt and betrayal was devastating to me. He always denied cheating on me, but when the Cell Phone bill revealed he was paying for a 2nd Cell Phone for a married woman and spoke to her 8-15 times a day starting as early as him leaving our bed...I have to assume that something more was going on other than an emotional connection. Again there were additional woman that he was dating behind my back. I felt like I lost it all when I found out about all of this and felt extremely stupid for being so blind to it all. I left my really good job at the time because I felt like I was having an emotional break down and I did seek treatment on how to cope because I handled things so badly, but obviously counseling did not help. I tried two different therapists for a consecutive year. One of which told me that this man in my life had a "narcistict personality" based on the things I shared. I just feel so weak when it comes to him and only him. I certainly don't want to EVER have this happen to me again and I suppose that's why I feel like I need him to tell me why and for once just be honest with me, but I also am aware that he can't be honest with me - that's what is so frustrating for me. I don't think I'm an idiot, I know that this man (boy) has no respect for me and by me allowing him to get to me like this means I have no respect for myself. That's why I say this is like an addiction of some sort to me and I clearly don't understand why I am having such a difficult time with this when logic tells me to move on I just can't get my heart in sync! He always made me feel like everything was my fault. It's as if he built me up to tear me down and he accomplished just that. I am constantly beating myself up thinking I've done something wrong and I feel worthless and I'm terrified of ever meeting anyone again because I always felt like trust was earned, not given. Now I just am afraid to trust at all because of this bad experience. People take leaps of faiths all the time, but I don't forsee myself ever being able to let my guard down again. I just don't want to feel this pain with anyone again. I know people endure much more difficult things in life and I hate to come across as I am dwelling in self-pity because there is nothing more that I would want to do other than to tune him out of my life completely! It's so easy to say, but soooo hard to do! Tweet