In trying to make a long story short...6 years ago, I fell madly in love with someone who I thought was too good to be true and after moving in w/him I was told he had been cheating on me. It resulted in me opening up his Cell Phone bill only to discover that he had several relationships going on w/other women including a married woman behind my back and I flipped out! We tried to make it work, but I couldn't get over the hurt and he never really provided truthful answers to any of my questions and it resulted in us breaking up. Although I took the entire break up very badly I felt like I lost it all including my sanity. I still loved him, but couldn't understand why he did this to me or how I could have been so blind to all of what he had going on behind my back. Him and I continued being intimate with each other even despite the fact he ended up months later having a new girlfriend - once I realized he was involved in a new relationship I realized it was not anything personal he was just simply a LIAR and CHEATER! However, he has this unbelievable charm about him and I believe everything he says to me no matter what anyone else might have to say about the situation. So therefore, I'm not asking for sympathy because I know that I am creating my own pain, but it now feels like it's an addiction or something. One part of me completely dislikes him for all the things he has done to me and another part of him remembers all the good times we had and I am unable to hold onto the terrible things and stay away from him. I'm certain he knows how I feel and he is taking advantage of me and which I allow him. The strangest thing is I can recognize that this is not healthy, but yet I continue to be available to him at his beckoning call. If I ignore his phone call within 30 minutes I feel guilty and I call him back. I'm leaving out alot of details, but I think you can clearly see that I'm a suc*** throughout this entire thing and I just want someone to tell me how to stop this! He recently called me 2 wks ago and I don't even know for what purpose because we haven't been intimate w/one another since May - The phone call resulted in me hanging up on him because I didn't want to get all besides myself thinking that it meant something more. The next day I felt awful that I hung up on him and I called him several times almost to the point of pathetic (if that's even possible). I told him which this sounds utterly crazy that it is best for him to block me from calling because apparently he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but yet for some unknown reason it's not sinking in w/me and I keep calling asking him to call me otherwise to block me from calling him because I feel like I'm now in this pattern and I don't know how to break this habit. I'm not sure if any of this made sense and I again know this is unhealthy probably even makes me sound crazy and being told to get over it or move on clearly is not working for me. I never wanted this to happen but he has spun me around for years and I have no idea what he is thinking and I suppose I expect answers...answers of which I will never get, but I also don't understand why he don't block me from calling him anymore so I can break the habit of calling him and he can give himself peace of mind. Does anyone have any advice for my crazy ways?