Re: I have alot on my plate

Hi Beautiful26,

Thanks for providing me with more information.

Here's what I would recommend for you. Make a list - either here or for yourself - of what living with and taking care of your family is offering you. Maybe it is "comfort" or "company" or "alleviating guilt" or "connection" - whatever words come to mind.

Then write how it is causing you harm - in other words, how it is damaging or how it is keeping you in "your story" (the one where you are told you aren't good enough) or that it makes you feel even more guilty, it keeps you from meeting people, or it exhausts you. Or, simply, it makes you feel sad or tired.

One thing I'm hearing is that you have a lot of creative interests and that living with your family is providing you some flexibility to explore those interests. Perhaps if you were living on your own you wouldn't have that opportunity?

Maybe living with your family is also giving you some insight into who you are and what you want - or making you more clear about what you *don't* want ... :)

Maybe you don't have to change a thing right now but just be more aware of what this situation is providing for you as a soul here in this body and on this path.

Also, can you state the one reason you are not moving out and living your own life? I know you stated several reasons in your most recent post, but what I'm hearing is all very guilt-based.

Another list you might want to make (along with the two I suggested above) is what your fears are around living your own life and moving out from the roof you share with your family. Are you afraid it will make you a "bad person" or that they will starve without you? Are you afraid you may be lonely or that you don't really know how to live without them?

Guilt, doubt, fear, uncertainty, as any spiritual guides will tell you, are all "lower" energies - they attract more of the same - fear, doubt, guilt . . . and they don't allow those higher energies in -

High energies are love, faith, abundance.

That promise to your father is pretty powerful. And I respect and admire your keeping that promise. But perhaps there are other interpretations of this promise. Is taking care of yourself *first* the better way to take care of your mother and sister? By coming to them from a place of love, rather than a place of guilt?

That's one interpretation.

Your fear seems to be that the whole family will fall apart without you taking care of them. But, again, fear is a lower energy. Loving your family may not at all mean living with them, giving them money, or allowing them to not keep their promises with you (changing their name on a bill, etc). Loving can simply mean knowing your boundaries and knowing that you must take care of yourself *first* in order to be able to *lovingly* take care of anyone else.

I suspect that if you made it clear to your family that it is time you move out - give them ample notice - switch all the bills (even escort your mother to the office where she has to sign to have things put in her name) - and then follow-through with your plan, your family will actually survive - they'll have to. They will find a way.

This may not feel like a loving act to you. But with some faith (again, that higher energy) I think you'll see soon enough what a difference this act will make in your life, how your relationship to yourself will change from changing your relationship with your family. How easy it will be to have boundaries with coworkers, friends, and in relationships. How much better you'll get at saying no and at having faith in yourself and trusting you.

Trust comes when we know that we are surrounded, at all times, by God, and that we are being led to our highest self.

But I am hearing that you're not quite ready for this step yet, so I'm asking you to be aware of what that hesitation might be.

If you'd like to keep posting here, please do; otherwise, feel free to click on my name at the top to contact me privately about coaching or a therapy referral.

I wish you lots of light and love.

Bella.

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