Re: I have alot on my plate

Hi Bella

Thank you for responding to my post.

The reason why some of us still living together. Is because one of my sisters is going off to college in january. The other is now in college. The other lives here still and the other lives on her own about to get married. My brother whose the oldest out of all of us. To be honest, he did live on his own but moved back home to help pay some of the rent and bills. But in my opinion and from what i notice before and now. I feel he doesn't want to live on his own but rather be here permanently working and all. Because of expenses.
Last, for myself. I do want to be on my own and trying to go. But they're always in financial situations to where I have to step in and help them out. Which sets me back. They are my family and if I don't it affects all of us. To be honest I am not scared to at all to be on my own. As a child I felt very much on my own even though my family was around me. My father died when I was eight and I made a promise to him that I would always look out and help my sisters and mother. So I had to take on a lot of responsibilities from that age and older. Like helping out with raising my sisters to getting my first job when i was old enough. To help putting food on the table, clothes on their backs and to making sure they have whatever else they needed. Well any way enough of that.
Now for my mother. She has been there for us growing up and stuff. I love her but I feel like she depends on me to make all the decisions, take care of the bills, she does help out whenever she can but lately mostly me, some my brother take care of the bills. She does have a job but they give her one to three days a week. I have told her many times she has to get a better job or second job that is full time. Because I'm working toward eliminating my debt and focusing on make myself better from within and most of all because I got to go. But at the same time I don't want them to end up on the street. Because they can't get apartments in there names at the moment. But I did find out from landlord that they could switch over into there names because previous landlord didn't lift judgments that shouldn't been on credit reports. But she has to go in there and do it. But keeps stalling everytime I keep mentioning it. I guess a lot of guilt is what gets to me and I love my mother with all my heart. She is a very good woman and she has been there for us. But I just feel lately she's been sitting back lately. Too what's bugging me if I leave her now where would she be. That's what gets me. She is my mother.
To be honest I'm not making it hard on myself and I do trust my goals. I am talented, very gifted. I mastered my artistic abilities over the years as an artists, musicians, writer, fashion designing. So i've been drawing and painting since the age of four, I write a lot of songs and poetry. I play the guitar and keyboards. I'm also into designing clothing and sewing and creating things with my hands. I'm trying to work towards creating my poetry book which is almost completed, a children's book that I started working on, I am working on creating a demo to persue a music career and the fashion I am working on creating my own brand a clothing line. I'm dabbling in everything that I love and good at. But most of all I'm signing up this week for online classes to go back to school to get my business degree. That is something I need to do and always dreamed of doing. So I'm not worried I know I'm going to do well.
I do and have always believed in myself. Growing up I had to believe in myself. Because everybody around me never did but rooting for me to fail and doubted me always. I was told that a lot to my face that I was lazy, a nobody and never going to amount to anything. From family members to others. But I knew and still know that's not true. But I still feel it has damaged me in some way. I feel that is a part of why I have trust issues. Because of not only that but a lot of other things coming up. I have work through some of those issues and still trying to work out the rest of those issues today. I have faith and know I will.
I have thought about actually going and seeing a therapist. I have looked around and i'm trying to find a good one and also a life couch. Both would be good for me.
I have been reading a lot books concerning this and self improvement books too. I have also mentioned doing family counseling to my family thinking it may be good for all of us. I know I do have issues with saying no and plus they don't listen to me but talk over me or walk out the room. I know, need and want to be on my own. But I'm trying to get them all to step up and take care more of themselves.

Sorry its so long.
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