Re: Illness and husband's deployment causing depression

Hi Kirstin,

Thanks for writing. I'm glad you decided to reach out.

You sound to me like a very courageous woman. And your husband sounds like a brave and courageous man.

I truly empathize with wives and family of men who are called to serve. Have you been able to find others with loved ones - particularly husbands - who are deployed. I know you mentioned taking up other activities, but have you looked for support groups? If you can't find one locally, perhaps there may be one online.

I find that connecting with others who are going through or have been through a situation you're facing is the best kind of support, and I think it might help you to really connect with other women going through this.

At the bottom of this post, I'll link to some resources, blogs, and other information I found that might be of interest.

I'm sorry to hear about the depression, and I agree with your statement that because your body is in a compromised state, you may not be handling things as you used to. But realize, this may be part of your healing - letting go of the old tenacity. You are where you are now. And perhaps a few of my suggestions might help.

One thing I noticed about my past chronic illnesses (and I've had several of the ones you mentioned) is that through it all - doctors, research, treatments, advice - sometimes it was the most basic things that made the difference.

I once made a simple list of what in my life drained me, and what brought me energy, light, joy. Just doing this (even if I thought I already knew in my mind) helped. I put it out there, put it on paper. It was validating.

I'd also advise you not to take on more right now but rather adjust to less. It sounds like this is organic to your situation - you are adjusting to a period of less energy, less money, less abundance, and need to rediscover the abundance in what's before you and sometimes, like I said, that can be through finding the most basic comforts - a walk in nature, a chat with a good friend, a bath, a good night of sleep, a few hand-picked flowers.

What brings you joy? Even a glimmer of it? Do more of that.
And what brings you comfort? Bring more of that into your daily life.

If "activities" and church and certain practitioners and worries aren't serving you, Kirstin, then I advise you to let them go - let everything go that you do not need in your life right now and concentrate only on healing and on being strong for your husband who is out serving.

And if certain healing methods are not fitting for you, let them go as well. Try Reconnection Healing, but if it isn't right for you, you'll know and you can move on.

I think for you right now, less is more. Simple connections and simple acts of healing (a massage, a foot bath, a yoga class) might offer the most access to healing.

Do you pray or meditate? I find that steadying the mind (whether it be through prayer, chanting, or meditation) can help us be centered, calm, and actually get the answers we need. Chronic illness and stress can be very debilitating and call for us to reach out to look for answers and help through doctors and other practitioners; however, after we find what we need to make us better (certain diets, vitamins, nutrition, protocols) we need to return to trusting ourselves for the answers and cultivating faith that they will come.

Wayne Dyer has a wonderful manifestation chant for allowing us to ask for what we need (an "ah" chant) and also being grateful for what we have.


http://www.escapefromwatchtower.com/waynedwyermanifest.html


Kirstin, if you are still in need of advice about your health, trying looking into (or contacting) Askshelley.com
But if you are stable and need time to heal, look within.
Please rest and let go of the things you can't control.

For resources about wives of soldiers, try:

Blogs


http://calivalleygirl.blogspot.com/2005/10/new-book-about-wives-of-deployed.html



http://awtr.blogspot.com/2007/03/worst-things-you-can-say-to-woman-whose.html


Groups and support


http://www.ehow.com/how_2043745_find-army-wife-support-group.html



http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupID=10...



http://www.twing.com/search?sc=ps&qt=any+army+wives&mk=1&cm_mmc=Google-_-GSN_...



http://www.crickrock.com/cgi-bin/webring/list.pl?ringid=332


I wish you and your husband all the best. And please come back with any further questions or clarifications.

Warmly,

Bella Tweet