I NEED HELP, my abuse is affecting my life!

I was 2 years old when my abuse started and it finally ended when I was about 9 years of age. My male babysitter was the abuser. Anyway, I won't get into it too deeply, but I had many things happen and was forced to perform many acts. I didn't know it was wrong, grew up thinking...everyone did this. My healing didn't start until later in life and I lacked in support during my whole child upbringing. Now that I am 38 years old and in a serious relationship, the longer we are together, my issue's that stem from my abuse creep up. I have always been a VERY clean person and I shower at least 2x daily....but I am Never clean enough. The moment I step out of the bathroom and start my day....I am dirty. When I go to the bathroom I sometimes hurt myself from rubbing to hard to make sure there is nothing left over...if you know what I mean? I expect everything that may touch me to be clean....like bedding, furniture covers, clothes etc. If I wear a outfit for 1 hour it is dirty and it Has to be washed. I basically, expect people to be at least as clean as I am...especially my partner. I know in my heart she is clean, but I can't be intimate unless she showers and washes herself first. This issue is becoming a Big problem and seems to be worsening. I was never diagnosed as OCD but I was diagnosed as ADHD, Boarderline personality disorder, amongst many other diagnoses. Does anyone have any simular feelings about this whole cleanliness problem that is now effecting my relationship of over 7 years? Please help!!!!! Tweet