No matter what we do, and certainly that had to be an agonizing personal decision, we cannot let it cloud our entire life. No matter what one's personal beliefs may be , surely the message of Christ in the New Testament is a universal one - love, hope, forgiveness and redemption. And forgiveness of self is often the hardest of all. But as far as we know, we have just the one mortal life for this consciousness to live, and we should make the most of it no matter how hard we may trip and fall along life's uncertain path.
Somehow your question reminds me of one posed here earlier. I hope that you may find some meaning in my answer: