hello, im feeling pretty depressed about my girlfriend.. ive been going out with a very nice girl for about 10 and a half months now, and very early in the relationship she had told me how she had had an abortion in the past, just to give me heads up and make sure i was still willing to love her . . me being young and very attracted to someone as beautiful, thought i could look passed it as if it would never have an affect on US. It turns out i dug too deep into her past and from asking to many questions i now feel like im drowning in a pool of resentment..
keep in mind this is my second real relationship and we have told each other we loved each other and meant it.. but she has told me a lot about her past sex life.. mostly because i asked.. but after hearing how she pleased her ex so much and probably fulfilled every of his fantasies, i wonder why she doesnt want to do any of those thnings ever again with me.. i think im even jealous of her ex and thats pathetic cuz ive never met him.. is this stupid? am i being selfish holding this resentment from knowing i fell in love with someone who had such a bad past.. we all have our needs, right? i can see now, why sex before marraige can be so poisonous..it can affect the potentiality of a healthy relationship in the future.. it sucks.. but even on my side, wanting my needs fulfilled is poisonous too because it involves sex.. im sad, angry, insecure.. so maybe id be better off just calling it quits on a good girl just because i think i still need to learn and experience things.. she obviously has experiened all she needed to and now wants to probably fall in love forever and have a kid to make up for the guilt she feels in her heart? this is what runs through my mind most of the day and i cant breathe... i think this could be love because she says she loves me, but somestimes she just seems empty to me.. im just wondering if an abortion is probably why she looks at sex differently now, and if i should just put my needs and wants aside and just keep her happy... maybe this could be a test from the universe to see if im willing to sacrifice my carnal desires to heighten my vibrational frequency lol.. whatever, shes about to turn 21 and im gona try and make it a good birthday for her.. life is precious but just because she feels guilty, doesnt mean life has to be miserable for her.. what can i tell her to comfort her? how do i make her feel like its ok? that shes not a bad person... or is this her own battle to be faught with no chance of reinforcements.. should i just watch and live for the now? -_- EVERYTHING WILL BE OK