Genital herpes - help to determine which partner transmitted it

Hi mime412,

I am very sorry that you are going through this right now.  Rest assured that although there can be ups and downs with herpes (for most people the majority of this is emotional stress) there are excellent avenues for support and you are never, ever alone in this.

In regards to how and who you contracted the virus from this is very tricky, particularly since these two most recent encounters were both within a very short time of each other.

Here are a few possibilities to consider:

1. Typically, the herpes virus takes between 2 to 20 days to show any signs or symptoms after you have been exposed.  Considering this, it is unlikely that the pain you felt from the first encounter with the married couple was related to herpes.  If you felt the pain and irritation immediately during and after the act then it is more likely to be friction caused by sex rather than from the virus - herpes generally takes at least 48 hours or longer before symptoms begin to show.
2. If your partner had a sore on his penis this is highly suspicious.  Herpes commonly causes sores on the genitals, so this is something that you need to investigate further.  Ask your close friend to get tested ASAP (he can obtain a HSV blood test if there are no symptoms at the time) and this will help to confirm both of your suspicions.
3. Genital herpes can be contracted from a cold sore during oral sex.  Don't forget about this possibility - many, many cases of genital herpes begin from a cold sore.  The herpes and cold sore virus can also be contagious at times when there is nothing on the skin.  The slightest tingle could mean that the virus is active and contagious.
4. Herpes can be dormant in a person's system for a period of time (months, years, etc) without showing noticeable or identifiable symptoms.  Some people never show any symptoms but can still transmit the virus to another person who may then experience fully developed outbreaks.  This is called Asymptomatic transmission, caused by invisible viral shedding.