Assessment time!

This is my first out of college/entry level job. I moved here for a relationship, the relationship didn't work out, but I got this job. Its a good job, as my siblings would like me to have, but I really don't like it. In fact, my sister got me the job through her friend, and now her friend is my mananger. I've been here for 6 months, and I hate getting up in the morning to go to work. On top of it all, I hate the area that I live and really just want to move back to a smaller town where people aren't as ignorant, closeminded and pretentious. I really don't fit in. For a couple of months I tried to be like them and look like them, but that was way worse than their rxns to who I really am. Now, I just don't care, I am who I am.

I was on this really bad project with this really condecending/patronizing older man, and I think I really screwed up! I talked to too many people about the fact that I was having a horrible time with this guy. I felt that he was rather hostile with me on several occasions, and I voiced that opinion to a couple of people that weren't even on the project. Now, I know, through these people, that others have had a problem with this guy, but I think I talked about it too much!

Now, its time for my assessment. I had to give the names of people I worked with so that they can assess me. I feel that they are all going to give me a bad rating for my "core values" which are things like professionalism, dignity, respect, because of the way I handled that guy. I know I am a good person, I am just different. I have values and respect for people, but in this instance, maybe I didn't. I feel like I dont belong in this corporate world. Everyone seems so cold and cut throat. No one cares about anyone else but themselves. I feel like I am not contributing as much as I could to make the world a better place.

I just don't know what to do or how to feel about this. Maybe I should just be numb to it all.

On the upside: I am making some moves so that I can get a job back home, where I know I will feel better.

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