More than 10Years of this..but I'm weak..?

Married more than 10 years. Here is just a list of the things my wife has said or done to me.

1. Within first couple of years of marriage, tried to stab me, she went to jail, I lied to get her out.
2. Has called me a loser almost every week since married.
3. Doesn't make love to me more than maybe twice a year for past 9 years
4. Tried to have me arrested in a foreign country after she tried to stab me with a sharp object and got hit (in self defense!), cops never did anything.
5. Always tries to threaten that she'll tell cops I abuse my kids because I was sexually abused as a child (second part is true, first part ...NEVER!)
6. She always says I ruined her life
7. She says to me "I hope you die!"
8. She says to me "how you can treat me like this" because I asked her to take one of our two kids to the gym with her...notice I said ASK...I never TELL her to do anything, I always ask nicely.
9. When I tell her that she's treating me like crap she calls me weak.
10. I've never hit her except out of self defence and that was only a push, not a hit.
11. We have two children who I know I would never see again if I divorced her.
12. She never works a job.

I've made the decision that this is the life I chose and for my kids sake (so that I can remain in their lives, that I will endure until they are old enough to realize the type of person she is, and hopefully will want to remain with me. My kids never play with her, they play with me. She never shows real affection to them, she never does anything but pound on them (verbally) to work harder...yet she doesn't work a job, she visits with friends half the time, and is on her computer the rest of the time...

I'm not perfect, I admit. I don't help out around the house much in terms of cleaning. I don't do shopping, I try to spend an hour each night with the kids, but sometimes I'm just too tired from work. I get angry at the kids when they won't listen or are mouthy, I do spank my kids but never anywhere but on the but, and not hard at all. It's more for the shock than the pain.

Don't know what to do anymore. So I have pretty much been shut down in terms of emotion, trust, careing or motivation for anything other than work and my kids.

But I'm weak...right?!

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