Will I always love him?

I don't know if I came to the right place to vent, but there has to be at least one other person in the same situation as I am, so here goes...

I'm heartbroken.

Three years ago my best friend and I fell inlove. We had an on and off relationship, I don't know why both of us held back as much as we did. We were probably too scared to lose it all (friendship and romance) if something went wrong. It was a foolish decision. I see that now because we have fought and made up so many times (even just as friends) and now there's constant tension. We haven't spoken in one year.

I've been with other guys but I compare them all to him (i'm female, by the way). When I break up with them, I run back to him (in my mind, I only recently decided to conact him after one year of not speaking cos of a big fight)...

He said he loved me, said he cared but why won't he be with me? When he wants to see me, he'll make excuses or try hard to make it seem platonic, but he keeps contacting me after long periods of times saying he misses me. And we'll talk for hours at a time over the phone - like there's nothing else matters.

I know this might seem confusing because the whole story is not clear to an onlooker, but I'm just so lonely now. I feel like I'm tying myself down to one guy who's not even sure if he wants me or not (then again if a guy really wants you, he'll do anything to be with you... RIGHT???)

So confused... would appreciate some opinions.

Thanks