Hi Ruby - sorry to hear you;re having such a hard time. As you'll see below (neuropathy etc) I've still got lots of problems to sort out BUT you could try some vitex (and look at websites for otehr ideas on non-estrogenic herbs and foods) - that helped me a lot with menopausal symptoms until I developed palpitations and found almost everything made them worse!
You cojuld also try having some rolled (or freshly ground) flaxseed as a cereal (I just mix with water to make a sort of porridge), and mix flaxseed oile with yoghurt (it emulsifies) to make a salad dressing. The flax helps me a lot and soothes the emotions - also if you start to get hypertension, eat 5 stalks of celery/day and drink hibiscus tea, and if you get palpitations, drink mix hawthorn tea (FANTATSTIC!) with your hibiscus tea; this REALLY works!