Re: Thank you for this...

It's a shame you've lost your friend - again. Maybe you will connect again in the next life, possibly this is your particular dance with him.

From the wife's perspective, I think a lot of it has to do with trust. My husband still keeps in touch with an ex, we have had dinner with her on a number of occasions and I have no problem with it, but I also have to admit if she wasn't 15 years older than me, post-menopausal and not particularly attractive, I'm not sure I'd be as comfortable. There was another woman - the one right before me, that he had an intense sexual relationship with, and based on what he told me, I'd peg her as a psychologically screwed-up seductress, so despite the fact that I do trust him, he's still "a guy," and I wouldn't trust HER. Fortunately she disappeared from his life with very little contact after we got together, but he said he knew it would be a problem for our relationship if he kept in touch with her and would cut off contact if she wanted to see him again. He does therapeutic bodywork and occasionally sees young, attractive women. He's a total professional, and either way, I do trust him not to stray, we have a good relationship and respect each other enough not to do that, but I would be naive to believe he hasn't had moments of arousal or temptation in the 13 years we've been together. It's a question of his character, whether he would act on it, and I know his character is rock solid. I also tell myself that if he wanted to stray, there would be nothing I could do about it, and so there is no sense in worrying about it. I do agree that opposite sex friendships, especially the ones that last from childhood can be really important and fulfilling for both - I maintained close friendships with a couple of old boyfriends for years after the breakup and have no regrets, there. I lost touch with those guys eventually, and really for my husband, it's just as well because I think he would be insecure about it.

In a perfect world, we could all shake off our human fears, failings, all the things we focus on that aren't important. Tweet