I feel your issue is beyond the scope of this forum, or, let's say, any articles or excerpts on Law of Attraction. Put simply, *you cannot use the mindset that is locked in the problem to resolve the problem.* Nor can you simply envision or imagine your way to a higher vibration. The word that comes to my mind is "miasm". I don't know if it will resonate for you--The thing is, as you yourself might agree, you are not at present 'in your right mind', that is, anchored fully in the you that aligns itself naturally with light, so you are right. You need help, but you must be lifted into a higher vibration by one who is very skilled in this, and closely aligned with pure Light. Here is something that came up when I googled miasm.