new fast

thanks, everyone, for your responses.
i am afraid i only made it 29 hours on that fast so I feel pretty bad
My mistake was to push myself too hard in a day and when I wrote that post asking for support I was winging my way out of the house not paying attention to the fact that I was tired from moving etc. and needed to stay at home. I was so scared of what would happen if I did not get to my support group that I just pushed and drove myself... right into eating.
Last time someone said to me "keep going" I got the message instead of being from home when the response came in and it helped me. This was why I asked for messages to "keep going;" but i was not there to receive them.
I feel so bad and guilty for seeming to misuse the support of others in this way but really sincerely want to learn to fast and feel I am learning. I just have more mental emotional challenges than most here. But I will solve them. I always feel they are really not that hard to get past, that I will succeed "suddenly" one day after all this posting and struggle and effort.

Anyway,
I have begun a new fast as of today, weds., jan. 23, at 9 am.
I am setting a for-me-moderate goal of 60 hours.
This means breaking the fast Friday night 9 pm.
OH... I can't stand it. i really need to say that. I cannot stand the idea of waiting till Friday. I cannot IMAGINE what Thursday wil be like, how I will get through it. i feel too tired already.

I have been doing some ""getting serious with myself:"
Meaning,
I have looked at what is behind my failures to fast.
It is a very tricky thing for me to succeed in a fast.
I have concluded that the main thing is control of diet. Triggering food -- even raw almonds and the like -- food that is at all tempting to me -- once it is in my sytem creates a desire for MORE of itself.
Barring my achieving the perfectly non-triggering diet before fasting, however, (and actually I am pretty close, but I resent giving up the triggering food... so I don't feel secure in this decision to give up the trigger foods) -- barring this, I think I CAN succeed in fasting, even off a slightly imperfect diet, if I employ COGNITIVE THERAPY.
Meaning,
I need to hold and engage and work with thoughts and feelings of despair and "what's the point" about fasting -- instead of succumbing to them
ALSO,
I need to locate in fasting and "food-sobriety" a real sense of SATISFACTION. I need to get a charge out of fasting. I need to find something that will really motivate me. As of yesterday I got a little motivation: this is the idea that fasting will break up and eliminate hard, old, rubberized plaque-crap in my colon. Gross but I can feel a sense of vigor and satisfaction in the cleanliness... kind of.
Oh... I can't stand to fast even 60 hours. i just have to write that. But I must try and keep trying.
Third: I need to REALLY follow a discipline of NOT over-straining myself in a day -- of scheduling fun relaxation and unstructured time instead of running from my feelings with over-work. Of NOT succumbing to feelings of terror to let up for one second because I am worthless if I am not achieving. I need to engage and give to others, but I need to get brave enough to stay at home instead of COMPULSIVELY rushing out even to support groups.
I am straining myself a bit now just writing this so I will go.
But lastly I need to ADMIT MY REAL FEELINGS which are right now that I jsut cannot stand to do even this 60-hour fast. I need to bring this state of mind and spirit right up and talk about it and accept it and find a forum where peole will acept it. I really need to have the experience of acceptance in order to create change. Abrupt change is soemthing that jsut seems too hard... it should not be, but I just don't have enough support for it to be easy and do-able. So I have to go through this acceptance phase and really work for the change to take place, the change in mind that will enable me to fast.
Honesty: I do not think I will succeed in making a 60-hour fast. But my saying so increases my chances. I really need to explore my resistance to fasting.
i do think I iwll stay in today.
Just feeling some shame at being so unproductive, no work, no school, ashamed at my low status in life.
But it is good to say this. All these negative thoughts are barriers to my fasting and becoming well and able to give. I am getting the negative thoughts out and presenting to the world who I really am and not who I wish I were.

I need a game plan for Thursday. I know I am fine for the rest of today. But Thursday. What can i do?
Lauray