help please ladies! fear of first time sex

hello,

my boyfriend & I have been together for a year now and we have been intimate almost from the begininning although we did not have intercourse. I have fear of insertion - I freeze, go dry and lose my desire when he gets his fingers or organ in such a way where it might enter me. im in my mid-20s and i really want to enjoy with him and get over this stupid fear. but however hard i try im not able to and lately i see that its affecting him as well.

i could never get a PAP test done for the same reason. the one time i tried, i screamed the place down and the doctor sent me home saying i didnt need one as i wasnt sexually active.

one night, i've taken muscle relaxant tablets, went to dinner, had 3 glasses of wine, came home and enjoyed wonderful foreplay, used lube and still could freeze up at the right time. this fear & anxiety is affecting my sexual desire as well, and these days Im not even feeling any desire. i have so much love & affection for him and really want to get over this stage. can somebody provide me advice on how to overcome this - i know i have a wonderful love life waiting for me, if only i can reach for it. any advice on products that actually increase female sexual desire? am i the only one in this world with this weird & strangest fear?

thanks.