Re: open relationships

Nomad Girl,

Just so you know, I disagree with MtDw on this. I think that post may relate to some women, however I understand where you're at completely and that it doesn't have to do with low self-esteem and I understand about your sexuality. We are just the exception to the rule as women.

I'm wondering the frequency you hang out with/sleep with your friend/lover. My casual friend/lover relationships of the past were not ones in which I spent a lot of time with that person or slept with them very often. It was more... backup for when I was not romantically involved with anyone but wanted sex. I preferred having a friend to call since I don't like one night stands or sleeping with whoever, but I had no intention to attach myself to someone who is not right for me or to go without sex. I would imagine if I'd spent a lot of time with these friends, hanging out and a lot of time intimately, that may've changed things. Spending time and intimacy and essentially imitating a relationship will create relationship feelings. The friends I called or would hang out with but only once in a while I was generally very fond of. I thought they were cool, and I enjoyed their company but wasn't around them all the time.

Even so, such relationships usually have a limited span. Someone gets involved in a relationship and if they are faithful, the other person gets cut out of the picture. After I met my husband, my "friend" of that year called and I let him know that I found someone so I'm moving on. He was cool. I know another guy who was my friend for 7 years, and we were intimate on occasion but mostly we were just friends.

That's my take from my experience, from one sexually intense independent woman to another. :-)