Relapsing recovery, thinking, excusing

I understand where you're coming from, herbgal, and I further understand (only too well) why you don't have any friends forming a safety network. Having said that, your post is so disturbing to me because your defense of your abuser is so familiar to me, personally, that it brings me back to places that I once was. Hopefully, I can view my experiences with a more objective eye, though you can see by my recent request for help that NPD and domestic violence/abuse can still wreak damage even after over a decade of healing.

I was married to Something that wasn't "physically abusive," either. Of course, the physical abuse that I equated with stereotypical, trailer-trash, uneducated, low-life females was something that (in my arrogance and denial) I believed that they had somehow deserved by pushing the red buttons of their beer-drinking, pot-bellied, ignorant men. NPD is so insidious, isn't it? We end up forcing our Selves (our Life Sparks that make us each unique) to excuse, rationalize, and defend the sins of our abusers, don't we? Pinching, pushing, shoving, poking, and even continued tickling when I would beg him to stop was ALL physical abuse, by definition. The mental, emotional, verbal, financial, social, spiritual, and sexual abuse that I Survived were also behaviors that, in my arrogance and denial, were not stereotypical of what I believed abuse to be.

You do not have friends because you weren't encouraged to make them and/or HE chose your friends/acquaintances FOR you so that they would pose the least amount of threat to his environment of control, I imagine. Could it be that you believe that you "pushed his red buttons" as a means of defense when things became too intense and out-of-control? I know that the only time that I ever had any amount of control in my abusive NPD relationship was when I was actively pushing HIS red buttons - the only time that I ever had control was when I was sending him off on a tirade, on purpose. Attempts to reason with him, beg him, make him promise, and engage in rational, adult discussions were never under my control - they were just illusions that he was able to manipulate into tools of one type of abuse or another. If he allowed me to believe that my suggestion to "talk it out" was working, he could then twist and pervert the discussions to his own purposes of causing me to believe that the failures of our relationship were my fault, 100%.

If you have the interest to free your Self from your Depression (which sounds "situational") and loneliness, check out the sites listed below.


http://www.ptypes.com/antisocialpd.html


http://www.ptypes.com/narcissisticpd.html


http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652


http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe07.html


http://www.samvak.tripod.com/9.html


http://www.tearsandhealing.com/


I have posted my personal experiences and subsequent Survival along with DOZENS of others on Curezone.com. You have the option to explore the NPD/Sociopath Survival Forum and the archived posts, there. You will (and, that's a promise) see countless posts that are nearly identical to your own.

Our individual Survival and emotional well-being are our own responsibility, particularly when we finally recognize our roles as victims in an unhealthy, damaging relationship (whether it's spouse, parent, co-worker, sibling, etc.).

My most sincere best wishes to you on your journey to healing.