Re: How many "final straws" do you need?

Mountain:

I'm going to have to disagree with your here. I know that you very much deal in black and white, and for a majority of simple situations, this is the way to go. And you do that well....but you have to understand what it is like to live with a person like this.

I am an extremely strong woman. But when I was married to my first husband, eons ago, I was in a very serious abusive relationship. I was with this man for almost 10 years. I am not stupid. It's how the abuse progresses. One day you meet this charming person, and slowly....very slowly, they begin to degrade you. It's not obvious at first. And before you know it, your ego is gone, and you can't see the wood from the trees. It's insidious.

Yes, women need to leave a man like this. But you must be cautious as to how you speak to a person that is already suffering from damage. I used to have people say to me..."you are stupid to stay with a person like that"...or "why don't you just leave him". It's complicated...more than you know. And statements about how stupid I am just reinforced what the bastard had been telling me all that time. Basically I was too stupid, ugly, unlovable to have anyone put up with me other than him. And that whatever he gives me, I should be grateful because I deserve to be hit, yelled at, demeaned...etc.

That was me. I lived it, and I survived a fractured jaw to show for it. And even after he fractured my jaw, I went back...and then he left me for another woman (Thank God!). No, I wasn't stupid, I was classically abused.

Where am I right now? I will turn into Lorena Bobbit before another man lays a hand on me or tries to demean me in anyway. But I had to walk through fire to get there.

So, when dealing with an abused woman, easy does it. It's not as clear cut as it appears. But it seems like this woman has woken up. If she has, then she might possibly be one of the few that can escape a life of sheer hell. That guy sounds very similar to my ex....and funny, my ex was not Jeff Foxworthy...he was a well respected principal of a local high school. Everyone thought he was just perfect. Of course they couldn't understand why he was with the mousy, furtive, quiet, sad woman following him around. Bastard.

Yep you know men, no doubt. But some of us really know the pain of women...you have to let us take the reins on those.

Thanks.

Molly