Re: How do I deal with this pattern in my life?

Dear friend

It almost always takes two to play any game
So I guess you're the "victim" - and your "friend" is the "torturer"

You can never change anyone else,even if you think
you understand what they're doing - but
by understanding what you're doing,or not doing your days
and nights of torture can end - but only if you're tired
of playing the game
Are you tired? Try not to be so predictable (as you say, you've been playing the game for three years now),change your response to the
torturer ,act differently to what the torturer expects,
and watch how the game dissipates - if that's what you want

Watch yourself sleep walk into another torture session,or watch yourself
walk away from one .
Don't look toward others to change, look toward yourself
The choice is always our own

Good luck