very concerned not sure what to do 
very concerned mother
17 y
3,952
R
† Cross †
yesterday i heard my 14 yr old and 9 yr old stepsons telling my 2 1/2 yr old to bend over
i went in the room to see what was going on and caught my 9 yr old stepson putting a lego up my 2 1/2 yr olds butt
the 14 yr old was just watching him do it
i blew up and started screaming and yelled at my husband and told him what i seen
i grabbed my son and checked him i grabbed his pants and went in the bathroom with him and my 5 1/2 mo old daughter
i was crying histericly and trying to hold him and tell him that was bad and not to let anyone do that to him
my husband comes in the bathroom calling me a f...ing baby which he always does when im upset
i dont understand how he could not have showed any emotions towards this
my stepsons live with their mother we just have visits
i wanted him out of here right after it happened but he is still here
i feel that my 2 1/2 yr old is the one being punnished he has to stay around us all the time if he wants to go downstairs and they are there he gets in trouble and is made stay with us if he wants to go upstairs and they are there then hes gets in trouble and has to stay with us i dont think its fair that he is the one getting in trouble while they are off playing their games and things my choice was to leave and take my kids the 2 1/2 yr old and the 5 1/2 mo old with me or the other kids go my husband dont want this but i have to protect my children
i feel like its my fault already because this was not the first incident last year the 14 yr old then 13 was caught masterbating in the basement in front of his brother then 7 and then caught laying on the bed with his then almost 1 yr old brother which is the 2 1/2 yr old now sitting on his stomach facing towards his privates and they was exposed also
i caught the door shut a few months ago when i opened it my 2 yr old was naked and the then 8 yr old was pulling at his pants like he had hurried and pulled them up
they was behind the door
i have been very concerned for a long time and i find it very had to watch him 24 7
i'm so worried something will happen again
i see my husbands point that they are all his children and it feels like im making him choose between his kids but i want the safety of the children and i dont think its safe for my son to be around his brothers anymore
what actions should be taken
i reported it to childrens services last time and the kids denied it happening and nothing came of it
now the 9 yr old is trying to justify himself by saying its ok what he did because its already happened to my 2 1/2 yr old by the other brother last yr and nothing happened to him
i dont think its ok for a child to be repetedly abused just because it has happened before
no child should ever have to go through that what should i do my son keeps sticking stuff down his pants and tries to stick stuff up his butt and his finger up his butt he also plays with him self all the time until it gets hard and also says to suck it
i am so afraid of what has been going on that we dont even know about
i talked to the older kids mom and she just acts like something wrong is going on in this house and they never do anything like it at her house just like its all our fault and even when she was told last time it was all shoved under the rug by her then to and saying hes to young for counceling
he was 13 at the time so if she said that stuff last time for the oldest she probly wont get the 9 yr old help either
my husband says im punnishing him by wanting to leave and take our kids away but i dont feel that he is concidering the best intrest of our children by keeping the older kids around
someone please help im very concerned and dont know what to do
how do i tell a 2 1/2 yr old that this stuff is bad and make him understand and to tell me if something happens i fear he will try to do this to his baby sister now
will i always have to fear for my children
More
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... Bythc
17 y
3,017
MoreThis is a reply to # 943,374With two young children, you must be fairly young yourself. Ask yourself if you really want to be with the kind of man that calls you a f..baby, because you are upset that your child is being sexually molested, by his older brother? You can just bet your daughter will be next. Get help, get out. God's speed.
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... #68716
17 y
3,450
RRR
This is a reply to # 943,374First of all, change your ID to, "Very Concerned WOMAN." My best guess is that YOU are enduring the same type of abuse (not necessarily sexual abuse, but abuse, most certainly) that your precious children are, to some degree.
That your son is being sexually molested (there is no other term for the behavior) by his step-siblings is not only unacceptable, but the behavior, itself, speaks of some very, very deep emotional/sexual issues that were present in the dynamics of your husband's family LONG before you ever entered the picture. This is probably why his Ex-wife is an EX. She also may not acknowledge the behaviors of her sons because she, herself, was abused by your husband and is still living in denial about what she endured.
Bythc's response was appropriate: what kind of dynamics are YOU willing to tolerate? It sounds as if you stumbled into this relationship without really knowing this man - calling you a "f*cking baby" if you become upset is thoroughly abusive and I would bet a week's pay that you're constantly suffering emotional/verbal abuse, if not sexual, financial, spiritual, and/or physical abuse, as well.
I would recommend and strongly urge you to consider exactly WHY you married this...man...and see yourself and your precious children in the next five years: where will you be? Where will your children be? In your own words, you ask, "how do i tell a 2 1/2 yr old that this stuff is bad and make him understand and to tell me if something happens i fear he will try to do this to his baby sister now?" Children are the Perfect Victims because of their naivetee - they are easily preyed upon and your son may already have been threatened with bodily harm (or, death) if he tells. Don't WAIT until it happens, again, for God's sakes! Do something NOW to intervene and put an end to it! Start thinking with your MIND and not your emotions - get your son AND your infant daughter to a physician and have them BOTH thoroughly examined. Then, file charges. It is quite likely that something already HAS happened and the symptoms were ignored due to denial.
Get out - get out - get OUT of that situation. What your children have endured (REPEATED sexual molestation) and what they will continue to witness and endure (MORE sexual molestation, physical abuse, psychological abuse, sexual perversions, amoral activities, etc., ad nauseum) will be carried with them for the rest of their lives, regardless of their ages. The innocence of both of your children has been horribly compromised and, once it's been destroyed, that innocence can never be retrieved. NOTHING, no man, no woman, no amount of money, no amount of security, no car, no house, no jewelry is worth the lives and well-being of your children - the incidents will become more frequent and the perversions beyond anything you could imagine in your worst nightmares - to allow or expect ANY child to endure such horrific treatment because some ... man ... (or, woman) believes that it's "normal" is just inexcusable. I believe that you already know what to do to help your Self (your Life's Spark) and your children.
Best wishes to you and your precious children.- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... Invincible
17 y
2,709
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... #68716
17 y
3,087
This is a reply to # 943,533PRECISELY! That's one of the suggestions that I made: consider WHY we chose this person, why we're remaining, etc. Then, there's the truth that no man, woman, house, car, illusion of security, etc., is worth the well-being of an innocent child.
My feeling is that the original poster knows exactly what to do to safeguard her children and, most likely, her Self. It's just the need of affirmation that she might be seeking. Sometimes, as with my Self, people need to hear/read what they already know to be true in order to take that first step.
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... patty d
17 y
2,738
This is a reply to # 943,540I could not have said better myself!! I think she should keep herself and her kids away from the father as well as the little perverted kid/kids!!! If that father does not recognize that there is something very wrong with that kid, then he also has a problem, who knows, maybe he was molesting them or something akin!!!
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... patty d
17 y
2,738
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... #68716
17 y
3,087
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... Invincible
17 y
2,709
- Very concerned mother fledgling
17 y
2,880
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This is a reply to # 943,374You know that the other adults you spoke to were wrong.
And you see that this is a pattern that started long before you arrived, and what it has done to the two boys, already.
This is a fire alarm. Get your little ones out of there, NOW!
Your instincts have told you what to do. Act! Immediately!
Move! Think about it later...when you are all safe...when your feelings settle down.
This world is full of people who wonder why at least one parent, or family member, didn't stand up for them.
Your babies need your protection, AND your peaceful understanding of THEIR needs. You can only help when you are all safe.
Make them feel safe. Make them feel you are safe, too.
You can do this.
Get your feet moving. All other answers will fall into place once you are safe.
Good for you for noticing what you must do! You will find the way.
Arms around you.
F.
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... LuellaMay
17 y
3,244
R
This is a reply to # 943,374You need to do something NOW to protect your children. This is abuse. Doesn't matter if its from an adult or a child. Abuse is abuse. Your 2 1/2 year old is showing signs of abuse already and yes he will probably repeat these actions on his sister.
For the two older boys to be acting this way, they must have been abused sometime or other by someone.
You need to protect your children. Why isn't your husband more concerned? They are his children also.
Your children are your first responsibility. If your husband will not discipline the older boys, you need to take steps to make sure your children are protected. If that means leaving, so be it. You will be looking behind your shoulder at all times. It will only get worse.- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... marniewon
17 y
2,948
This is a reply to # 944,807Do NOT wait for your husband to start disciplining his children - he's already proven that he will not do it and sees nothing wrong with their behaviour! Like a previous poster said, get them to a doctor now! And stop off at the police station after that! Press charges. Against those boys and your husband (for doing nothing to protect your children). And get out of that house! Even if you have to go to a shelter to be safe. Please do so immediately. You can stop to think about what to do next when you all are safe and things calm down.
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... marniewon
17 y
2,948
- Re: very concerned not sure what to ... Bythc
17 y
3,017
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