I see what you mean, but I am sympathetic to Lynne's plight, too.

I just don't talk about vaccinations with my friends who vaccinate their kids. Children and childrearing is such a forum for moralizing in our society and I feel that saying to a friend who has made the decision to vaccinate (andf I believe that in the places I have lived, in our wide group of friends, it is seen as a "decision" per se, because there has been so much controversy and therefore increased awareness of people who choose not to -- I don't think my mother ever would have known it was a choice...) anyway, to say to someone, "You shouldn't vaccinate your kids" or some variation of that would feel very judgmental and would affect the friendship. I just stay quiet, which is often the best way to say something.

About a year ago I was at a friend's house. Her 6-month old started shaking violently and looked totally out of it for a minute. She was frantic and neither of us knew what was going on. Then he stopped and was normal again. Later she told me that he had had his shots the day before. (i.e., not "OMG, he had his shots, he is having a reaction!" but in passing. I suggested that maybe the seizure was a reaction to the shots. Her husband evidently got furious about this. So you are up against the husbands of your friends, too.

Basically if a friend tells another friend why she did not vaccinate and the second friend has vaccinated, the second friend is gonna feel like a terrible parent. (Or just think the first friend is a terrible parent.) I know that since I have had children, a lot of my newer close friends are ones who parent as I do. (And with my older friends, we avoid the issue.)

The mother of the baby who had the seizure is pregnant again. I wonder if I should remind her of that. I go to a shower there this weekend...