Healme, in the world of soul, you will never be without your cat. Sit still sometimes, close your eyes and your cat will come sit on your lap. Just *be* together.
It seems to me you were both gifted with enormous love with your connection - that will never be lost!! To love and be loved - what else is there?
I send you many blessings so that you will be able to start to only remember the joy, and be able to let go of the pain.
I shed tears reading your story, I really feel for you - you are a truly courageous person and your cat was blessed to have had such a wonderful companion as you.
You did your very best, that is obvious.
Blessings and a ((((((( BIG HUG ))))))))