Final Episode of My Experiences Pt5 
heavens girl
20 y
1,619
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I lay there for awhile and slept. Blessed sleep right on the floor. When I awoke, I can't explain it but I somehow knew it would never be the same. I said out loud one more time, "Whatever it takes, God". This time I got an answer that replied (in my area but not a voice) "Be Ready for What's About To Come." Now that convinced me right then and there that I was in for some genuine testing and trials to see if I could make the grade. And was I ever right. Now I was not about to give up. Just like old Job I was saying to myself (as I passed each near hit), THOUGH HE SLAY ME, YET WILL I SERVE HIM". No longer was I me. I was a whole different, tried by fire, came out gold, no more fears ME!!! It took another six months to realize that I had experienced an Ego Death of a great magnitude.
What happened to me has been likened to the Native American Vision Quest. Only my Vision Quest was engineered by and delivered by God Himself. Now today, I can hardly count the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me. It's all about His Wonderful Love. And it's ok that there is such aloneness in the knowing because it was I who ultimately Chose to be Chosen.
God has used me in miraculous ways to show others His Glory. Believe me, any gift I possess for The Spirit Of God is Him, not me. God does the Cooking. I am just a spatula that flips, turns and bends to a Will much Higher than mine.
Yes, those gifts I have graciously been given are like unto those of the Shaman of old.
God Bless, Heavens girl
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- Re: Final Episode of My Experiences ... rudenski
20 y
1,370
This is a reply to # 563,218I know what you mean by "Ego Death" now. I have experienced this same thing. Sometime I retreat into old ego patterns but I longer feel even close to being the same person. It is almost as if I have a new identity since my NDE.
- Re: Final Episode of My Experiences ... heavens girl
20 y
1,489
MoreThis is a reply to # 563,219Amen Rudenski. It's Glorious I think. I really didn't like that old me very much anyway. Today I feel useful for the greatest cause, God's work. That's enough for me. Heavens girl
- Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,600
This is a reply to # 563,220I was in the military at the time of my NDE and I had a warped perception of what God was. The greatest difference in me, following my NDE, was that I had a complete turn-around about my perception of God. In my pre-NDE perception of God, I had melded the God of my religion into the American Dream and imagined that God was on America's side and that God had human enemies that God hated. I joined the military to protect and defend(read: plan and plot to kill America's enemies) my nation but when I returned, I didn't want to kill anyone. I just couldn't hate people that America wanted me to hate. The God I met was not into hate but loved us...all of us. That was a major breakthrough for me. I could no longer be in the military because the whole notion of the use of war as a mechanism of "God & Country" was not a reasonable way to see God. I find myself at odds with people of my faith who believe that God would want me to kill anyone for their God. God loves each and every soul and war and planning for war is impossible for me to put in the same context as loving God.
Every year, since my revelation that God really is CAPITAL "L" Love and that God wants us to love one another the way God loves us, I find there are more and more layers of ego to remove. Only when I can love and not be critical of those that still believe that killing for God is a reasonable and rational thought will I be able to complete my learning and let go of the last remnants of my ego. It is easy for me to forgive others who would harm me, because I do not fear death but I still hold resentments for those of my own faith who truly believe that war is not murder. I just can't imagine someone who believed in the same God=Love that I believe in would support war and its destruction. To me, war is another word for murder. It as if I have a different faith then those that still want to play the game of war. I guess this is a place where I am still struggling. What are your thoughts?- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,946
R
This is a reply to # 563,221I feel the same as you and perhaps that is why I have to say, "I don't think I believe in Religion any longer." I say this with no disrespect to anyone's religion and I always wish the best for all Churches and Meeting places. I pray for Love to enter those who struggle to see, yet are blind. I Believe in God, I believe in the Trinity and I believe in Divine Love and Forgiveness. I know He Lives and I know as you, that our human wars, greed, lusts
and all of the human errors we cling too, make Him very sad indeed
Think of the pain of HATE. It truely is painful for those who live with it. Then they become numb to the pain. The pain deepens and exposes the truth of the unloving soul just as surely as a wound that festers under a scab. Sooner or later that HATE comes to a head and the soul sickness is revealed. It is then that we (those who understand) must be ready to extend our hand.
Instead of fear or rejection it will take Love beyond our comprehension. Remember that and pray for those who are sometimes not very loveable. Remember that their pain is great and there must be someone close that they don't fear.
Fear keeps them trapped in their hate. Our extension of God's Love can help pull them out. I admit, it sometimes seems like taming a wild animal. Just when you think he trusts you, he gets spooked and bites YOU. And YOU are the one fighting to save his life. This is the WHY of it. This is the WAY of it. I know that for me, when I chose to be chosen, I realized I had one of two choices. Be God or Believe In God. Believe means so much more in the Greek. A follower, committed, a part of, etc. Love them Rudenski, they already have enough people to judge them. That is NOT what you are called for. And you don't need that old man you once were. I like the new guy you are. You are an inspiration to all of us.
These silly games will one day be over and you and I know how it will end and we know Who wins. No more silly human games for me. I just don't have time. Love in the Spirit, Heavens girl- Re: Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,572
This is a reply to # 563,222Judgement is a snare that sometimes sneaks up on me and drags me back into my pre-ego death days. I once thought that hating hatred was the last refuge of hatred but I am coming to understand that even "hating hatred" is judgemental. In "heaven" or whatever you call heaven, all is well, but here in my flesh I cling to a kind of frustration that others are just not getting how loving God is. It is a kind of left handed judgement that stops me from receiving the full measure of love I know God has for me and everyone. God has forgiven even my judgement but my judgements do affect my life as I live it in the illusion of time in the the here & now. I know that playing the judgement game is that old man trying to get back in but often I feel drawn into a fight I already know the outcome to. Yes, Love has won the day over-un Love but knowing it does not prevent me from feeling drawn back into that battle.
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Judgement is a snare sometimes sneaks up on me and drags me back into my pre-ego death days. I once thought that hating hatred was the last refuge of hatred but I am coming to understand that even "hating hatred" is judgemental. In "heaven" or whatever you call heaven, all is well, but here in my flesh I cling to a kind of frustration that others are just not getting how loving God is. It is a kind of left handed judgement that stops me from receiving the full measure of love I know God has for me and everyone. God has forgiven even my judgement but my judgements do affect my life as I live it in the illusion of time in the the here & now. I know that playing the judgement game is that old man trying to get back in but often I feel drawn into a fight I already know the outcome to. Yes, Love has won the day over-un Love but knowing it does not prevent me from feeling drawn back into that battle.- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,421
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This is a reply to # 563,223I'm sorry. Got kicked off MSN and just got back. I had my response written and it would not go. Oh well, try, try again.
Perhaps pray for the strength to get past it. I know the urge pops up to go back and fight. The struggle is not worth it. They are full of pain and the pain becomes numb. Their fear propells the pain. When I get pulled in and ready to fight, I've learned to stop and do nothing ---- wait. We can control our thoughts. We don't have to entertain certain thoughts. Remember, from thoughts come feelings.
Don't let it pull you back. That human/evil/lost side of us wants to regain control. I refuse to let that side regain control. That old woman is gone now and I don't want her back.
One day of God's Love is more than ten thousand years without it.
Don't let it take you over Rudenski. Just love them anyway. When the fear takes them, they will need someone there they can trust. They can only trust you when you stay true to you and all you believe in and still love them.
It's like taming a wild animal. Just when you think you've won it over, it gets spooked and bites you. And YOU are the hand that feeds it. But if you continue to love and nurture the frightened animal, your love will eventually prevail.
Some of what I write you about came from The Library. I'm sure you know that though.
Oh yes, remember that unto whom much is given, much is required.
In this case, the ability to love the sometimes, unloveable. Those lost in their hate and fear.
I somehow know that these are things you know. Maybe you had to hear it again.
I think I overwhelm people at times. Not you and probably not others tuned in here. When people say things like, "how do you know that?" or "How did you know I needed to hear that?" You know how it goes. It's hard to stop sharing spiritual things when I get started.
By the way, this Board is very quiet lately. Maybe folks are waiting to see if I'm for real? It's Ok though. I know they are for real and so are you my friend in the Spirit.
God Bless, Heavens girl- Re: Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,381
This is a reply to # 563,224Thanks,
I really need your words of encouragement... One of those "coincidences" that so often occur...just when you needed it most... thanks- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,388
This is a reply to # 563,226You are welcome and don't forget, the work you do, those you reach out to need you and I am one of those too. Heavens girl
- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,388
- Re: Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,381
- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,381
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This is a reply to # 563,223Sorry for the repeats. I got a little lost when I got kicked off line. Heavens girl - Re: Ego Death the old man lilpolock
20 y
1,457
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This is a reply to # 563,223How have you dealt with this old man?
Sure, you feel you are no longer him, but does that mean he has nothing to say, to contribute? Have you given him the boot?
Slammed the door in his face? Exiled him to bungfuc Egypt?
Why? Why is he JUDGED this way? There is something here. Marj- Re: Ego Death the old man rudenski
20 y
1,390
This is a reply to # 563,242Hi Marj,
Dealt with has a kind of finality to it so I am fairly certain that old man still has a lot to say to me. Call him the shadow side, ego, "the Devil" or by whatever name one might call that desire to control the material world, as long as I hunger or thirst then that old man will still be there. Once upon a time, I thought getting good credit, a nice house, and a good running car were the outward sign that I had God's favor...but as I have become aware that there is a spirit man that resides inside of me...I believe it is more important to feed that spirit man than my my ego. The spirit man survives death. Beyond the material man(that old man)that is running my material life, is my soul and that soul-man leads my life more often than it once did before my NDE. I was a kind of animal before becoming awake to the need to nourish my soul. My NDE made me aware that material things are only an illusion and will some day be forgotten... but I am still in a daily struggle to make my soul-man the focus of what I am becoming. If you feed the old man, those material things the old man can give... And if I don't have material needs, I would die. So yes there are reasons to feed that old man but gaining the whole world only to lose the lessons that love can teach me would be a huge waste of my life after knowing that love is what survivies death.
All things are not equal... but the material world is important or I would not be here...
Love, Light, & Joyful Laughter
Rudi
Rudi- Re: Ego Death the old man heavens girl
20 y
1,368
This is a reply to # 563,243there are some good points in your reply, thanx,I will thing about them and let you know
peace
- Re: Ego Death the old man heavens girl
20 y
1,368
- Re: Ego Death the old man rudenski
20 y
1,390
- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,421
- Re: Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,572
- Re: Ego Death Pale Blue Tint
20 y
1,747
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Original Dr. Hulda Clark
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This is a reply to # 563,221Just figured I'd throw my two cents in:)
I don't think I was ever fortunate enough to meet God, but I believe in him and his love. Before I got somewhat terminally ill in Feb 2001, I was a different person. I knew different people... but my illness opened up a whole new door for me, and I completely rebuilt myself and slowly my belief system. Now, I'm really glad I became plagued with this illness.. imagine that!
but sometimes, I take the ways of my old self, and it bothers me.
I often wonder if God is unhappy with me. I'm far from perfect. But we're not meant to be perfect. God is :)
Glad to be home! Hope you're all doing well,
-PBT- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,568
This is a reply to # 563,233I can understand where you are coming from. Years ago I was caring for (among many other pts.) a dear woman who had advanced Hodgkins Disease. Her entire right side was swollen 3 times the normal. She had such a deep spiritual walk and I was drawn close to her by the Love she flowed with. I recall her experiencing such intense pain that she would scream out. One particular day I cried, held her hand and as she screamed out, I said, "This isn't fair. I don't want you to suffer." She looked up at me and said, "Honey, this is my cross and it's Ok. Some have to suffer and die so that others can see and live." I will never forget this remarkable woman and precious love she shared. I never heard her complain.
No, of course you aren't perfect nor should you be. There is only one Perfect. We are only urged to work toward the mark. It sure sounds to me like you are. God Blessed your perfect heart. He granted you the ultimate calling! To spred His Love.
Keep your wonderful outlook. You are a hero. Heavens girl
- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,568
- Re:Those who kill are as NOTHING, ma... #19236
20 y
1,419
This is a reply to # 563,221As you said yourself, in ascension NO thing unlike Divine Love exists. So those illusions of maya that appear to like killing etc. are powerless soon to be dissolved and vanish nothings. Nothings that have no relation to the universal Truth of Divine Love that you wittnessed in your NDE.
The parts of pre ascended human life that are unlike Divine Love,and Truth, do not make the grade, do not pass GO, and do not collect $200.
In other words anything unlike Divine Love, pure motive and Truth of the universal Love PRINCIPLE is just an error and illusion that weighs pre ascended humans down in confusion.
Best Wishes to you.
Love!
J.- Re:Those who kill are as NOTHING, ma... rudenski
19 y
1,401
This is a reply to # 563,259I could not agree with you more...loving intention is everything...the rest is chaff
- Re:Those who kill are as NOTHING, ma... rudenski
19 y
1,401
- Re: Ego Death heavens girl
20 y
1,946
R
- Ego Death rudenski
20 y
1,600
- Re: Final Episode of My Experiences ... heavens girl
20 y
1,489
- Re: Final Episode of My Experiences ... rudenski
20 y
1,370
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