Teaching Kids about Sex 
#7320
19 y
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How should we teach kids about sex? I was taught very little. The little that is taught about the clinical nature of sex really provides little information. How do we teach kids about the opposite gender? Are the line drawings and clinical anatomical discussion good enough? How about masturbation? Do we just say, "If/when you feel like it, take some lube and touch your gentitals." Should we give our kids soft core porn to act as visual stimulation? Should we show our kids photographs of the opposite sex? Should we show them photos of how to masturbate? Should we show them photos/videos of how to have sex, or should we just tell them it is okay to touch themselves and to touch others who want to be touched? Should we teach our kids how to pleasure others or should we just let them fumble along and figure it out for themselves? Is it child abuse to teach them? Is it child abuse to not teach them? I learned by fumbling along. I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I'm still learning and making mistakes. Is it good or bad to teach them other details? Apparently in some societies, the parents teach the kids how to masturbate. In some societies the fathers take the boys to brothels. Although it is totally illegal and sounds repulsive to us in our culture, in some cultures fathers initiate daughters with intercourse (I'm not proposing this at all). We have cultural norms that we have accepted as "truths" that may not really be the best for teaching our kids about these important things?
Just what is appropriate? What is moral? What is immoral?
Thanks for your input.
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- Re: Teaching Kids about Sex #33045
19 y
2,843
This is a reply to # 534,590This is just my opinion and not fact....
What is immoral is teaching them nothing! I would guess they need to be introduced to the basics at around 10, and have many follow up talks. They should learn to be open with you. I don't think soft porn is appropriate, but medical illustrations would be more proper. You do not have to do all the details right away, but soon they should know about masturbation (they probably will do or have done it anyway) and that it is perfectly normal, natural and good for them in common sense amounts as each person is different, but to do it in private behind locked doors..
Especially for teenage boys, emptying the prostate 2 to 3 times a week is important in removing carcinogens that could lead to prostate cancer. Girls generally don't do much masturbation as young teenagers. They should know about diseases and about safe sex. They should know that one sperm at the wrong time can ruin a life...and that it can go thru the fibers of clothing in a close situation. They should know that becoming friends with someone is important before they get intimate. They need to learn respect for their mate. They should know about cleanliness. Sex should never get in the way of doing homework.
You can use people you know that screwed up as examples of what NOT to do. The last thing you want is to have their friends teach them...cause it will be wrong and it may be too late! Kids at school are hung up on oral sex because they know they won't get pregnant, but most do not understand STDS or even herpes. Others just think an abortion is a simple procedure so it's anybody with a penis. So get there first and do your thing..
Teenagers will do what they are going to do regardless---you want to be sure they do it safely and intelligently.
You can be their source of anything they want to know. They will think that you are pretty cool.
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- And more....... #33045
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This is a reply to # 534,591A good start would be to sit down with them and ask them what they know about it already, then you will know where to begin.
It should all be very casual and today, we talk about sex very openly. Why not? You could even interject a little humor as long as they hear what you have to say and it gets thru.
You didn't mention this, but you might as well talk to them about alcohol, cigarettes and drugs....they all kind of go together. (A picture I was shown of a dead body of a drunk teenage driver hanging out the driver's window of the open door by his waist (pack of cigarettes still rolled up in his tee shirt) of his crashed car still haunts me to this day.)You can have similar impact using pictures.
Still, you cannot hold their hands in life...they will need to experience life for themselves, but at least you were there to warn them of all the pitfalls. It's really good that you are concerned.- are you guys buying this? #33045
19 y
2,877
This is a reply to # 534,599I would think several of you would have comments to make that are different than mine. After all, I only stated OPINIONS, not any facts.
- Re: are you guys buying this? #7320
19 y
2,755
This is a reply to # 534,602I think your thoughts are certainly reasonable. I suspect that there is not a "correct" answer. Your thoughts are rational, logical, and make sense.
There are a couple of points that I don't think your thoughts have addressed directly, which is probably as you intended and which is okay. This is a generalization but I think there is some probablistic merit to the generalization. My observation is that in general many/most men do not know how to pleasure a woman and many/most women do not know how to communicate effectively how they want to be pleasured. I think that many men think that women respond sexually in a very similar fashion to themselves and that is not the case in many/most circumstances. I think one reason why many/most women don't know how to communicate what they want/need is because they are not experienced through self exploration in what works for them. Often male/female sexual relationships end up less than successful and blissful because the blind are leading the blind. In the end, I think that in many cases things eventually work out if the partners are able and willing to patiently work through things. I also think there are many frustrated and upset people because they are unable to find themselves through the sexual mysteries with the blind leading the blind. I don't think we do a very good job teaching our kids the sexual skills that may be helpful for them to be more successful in this important aspect of their lives. Perhaps that is how it should be. Perhaps we should teach them more. There seems to be an intuitive element to me that we should teach them more than we do, but I just don't know.
Certainly your suggestions are much more open and accepting than those of one or two generations ago, but do they go far enough? Perhaps, perhaps not.
I'm interested in other people's opinions....- Re: are you guys buying this? #33045
19 y
2,837
This is a reply to # 534,607You are certainly correct about not mentioning the different sexual timing mechanisms between women and men. Lack of knowledge in this area, has sent many a woman searching outside of the relationship for satisfaction. Also, a woman may decide not to have sex sending her man outside the relationship. Imagine how a man would feel if he got fully aroused, but did not cllmax. Yet, women do this time after time...some settle in to this, others don't. The divorce rate is staggering and it isn't always a money problem.
Part of this is addressed in the part where a couple should be friends first before getting intimate. So, being open with talking about sex and what each requires, is important too.
Foreplay is so important. Variety is important too. Sex done the same way each time becomes common place and boring. New ideas for foreplay should be tried once in a while.
Old time ideas about masturbation need to be dropped. Making someone feel guilty about it, could hurt them psychologically.
Most everybody did/does it at one time or another, but most don't want to talk about it. For men, a Melbourne, Australia doctor did a study on male masturbation. ( I'm sure you can find the study results on the web) He found that the ones who masturbated 2 to 3 times a week in their younger days had a much less incidence of prostate cancer when they got older. (I forget the percentage)
So,you are correct about teaching them aboutarousal and cllmax differences, but I would guess the basics should be discussed in depth first.
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You are certainly correct about not mentioning the different sexual timing mechanisms between women and men. Lack of knowledge in this area, has sent many a woman searching outside of the relationship for satisfaction. Also, a woman may decide not to have sex sending her man outside the relationship. Imagine how a man would feel if he got fully aroused, but did not cllmax. Yet, women do this time after time...some settle in to this, others don't. The divorce rate is staggering and it isn't always a money problem.
Part of this is addressed in the part where a couple should be friends first before getting intimate. So, being open with talking about sex and what each requires, is important too.
Foreplay is so important. Variety is important too. Sex done the same way each time becomes common place and boring. New ideas for foreplay should be tried once in a while.
Old time ideas about masturbation need to be dropped. Making someone feel guilty about it, could hurt them psychologically.
Most everybody did/does it at one time or another, but most don't want to talk about it. For men, a Melborne, Australia doctor did a study on male masturbation. ( I'm sure you can find the study results on the web) He found that the ones who masturbated 2 to 3 times a week in their younger days had a much less incidence of prostate cancer when they got older. (I forget the percentage)
So,you are correct about teaching them aboutarousal and cllmax differences, but I would guess the basics should be discussed in depth first.
- I have a concern about the "10 years... #20698
19 y
3,064
RN
This is a reply to # 534,611Just an opinion...
I listened to a child psychologist who specialized in sexuality (I wish I could remember her name)talk about sexuality and children. She said that if a child is asking questions, you can tell them age appropriate answers to their questions as long as you stick to science, nature and health/safety...it's logical... no matter what age. Also, only answer the question they have asked....if they want to know more, they will ask more. Too many parents get overwhelmed and feel embarrassed and believe that they have to spill the whole encyclopedia on sexual behavior once that "can of worms" has been opened. I've also read that if they're at the age where they are responding with "Ewww gross!" ...you've waited too long.
When I was a kid I didn't know what masturbation was, as a word, but believe me, I was familiar with the feeling of it way before age 10. I think it's safe to assume that most children do. 10 years old is likely too late. Children are curious way earlier in life. If you leave it until they have asked questions of their peers, you can bet they'll be getting some pretty strange answers and perceptions that could be damaging to the present and future health of ther sexuality. We are naturally sexual beings. The more relaxed and understanding you can be of the questions your child will be asking of you, the more likely they will think and believe that the connection between their bodies and sexuality are natural and healthy.- Re: I have a concern about the "10 y... #4467
19 y
2,974
RN
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This is a reply to # 534,624My parents did not talk to me about sex. I am the mother of 6. I never talked about it to the older ones. My oldest is 22 and has expressed that she would have liked to hear it from me.
About masturbation - I never realized I could do this to myself until I was 22, so a talk at age ten or younger would have probably been hard for me to understand.
Last year I found my 12 year old looking at pornography on the internet. Besides totally freaking me out, this made me realize that I better get prepared and talk to my younger ones. I don't know why I find it so hard when I know it is the right thing to do.
My eight year old asked me last week how is it possible that she looks only like her dad when she came out of me. That was a perfect opportunity for me, but I just did not know what to say.- Re: I have a concern about the "10 y... Dennyoooo
19 y
3,184
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This is a reply to # 534,628Gee God Bless you Mom of six children wow . Just almost eighteen and my Mom was too whatever to teach me the birds and bees too. At age twelve learned to mastubate or was masturbated by girl playmates skinny dipping with me in our pool.Yea wow and all that it was some surprise.Got two younger brothers I baby sitted for when they were younger and I answer their questions about sex since we are close. Natch skinney dipping with girls only turned out to be some sex education perhaps of the wrong kind. Love.
Denise
- Re: I have a concern about the "10 y... Dennyoooo
19 y
3,184
- Re: I have a concern about the "10 y... #4467
19 y
2,974
RN
- I have a concern about the "10 years... #20698
19 y
3,064
RN
- Re: are you guys buying this? #33045
19 y
2,837
- Re: are you guys buying this? #7320
19 y
2,755
- are you guys buying this? #33045
19 y
2,877
- Re: Teaching Kids about Sex lizlie
19 y
2,819
This is a reply to # 534,591I agree that parents should teach something. I think too many parents rely on the school to do it. But you never know what exactly they are taught in school, how well the teacher approached the subject, and what they hear from their peers. In my school, the health teachers are the gym teachers and coaches. Teaching gym and coaching are their #1 priority- sex education is not. I don't feel like I was taught much in school. I remember focusing on STDs- but felt it was more of a scare tactic- i don't remember learning everything about STDs- for example, i don't remember learning until i was much older that HPV is transmitted sexually and can lead to cervical cancer. Yea, and the fact that STDs can be transmitted orally is not focused on at all. And yes, kids are having oral sex younger and younger from what i hear. I think kids shouldn't feel guilty masturbating- it's natural and gets rid of sexual frustration. Girls are totally left in the dark about this. I didn't try it until I was 19- girls are made to feel ashamed and desperate for masturbating- uncomfortable about it. It is so liberating to have control over your own orgasms.
As a parent, be open and honest. Let your kids be comfortable and ask questions. Their questions should guide your talks. Good Luck!
- And more....... #33045
19 y
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- Re: Teaching Kids about Sex #25064
19 y
3,022
RN Educational
This is a reply to # 534,590Ok, I'm assuming you have children, and I am slightly concerned/afraid for you and your child/children about your questions and the content of inquiry as to what is appropriate. Education and communication is certainly most important. Sexual education for adolescents ranks high on the "to do list." This talk needs to happen.
You sound confused and a bit dysfunctional. No offense, but your thought process sends up red flags to me. Sounds like you could use some sexual education yourself, prior to teaching your children or others.
Masturbation is normal and healthy. That should be expressed to the individual in question. However, showing them? Tips and pointers maybe, age in question and if your child is bold enough to ask you to show them or demonstrate, perhaps. For the record, masturbation does not solely encompass lube and touching your genitals sir.
Again, touch is a fundamental in the building blocks of life. Physical contact is important. However, why would you want to advocate and promote touching others in a sexual nature with children? Not to mention you have not even touched on STD's, pregnancy, or protection. Try STD sites. The Internet is loaded with information and pictures, explaining and showing the repercussions of sexual activity.
Children need to be educated yes, but brothels and porn are not the way to go. Depending on the age, depends on the content/extent of "education." You can be more liberal with a teen vs a child.
Anatomical pictures can be used. Primarily for children. It is the human body, it is truth. It'd also be a good idea to use technical verbiage for corresponding body parts. Know what your talking about yourself before conducting the education.
Hope this helps.
- Re: Teaching Kids about Sex #33045
19 y
2,843
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